Diary of a misEducated Black Man


Gary Coleman Dead, Lakers Win, and Strippers

The Lakers finally put the pesky Suns away last night.  Gary Coleman passed away today.  Oh and did anybody hear, there is a pretty big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  More big stories…

…Gotta start with Gary Coleman.  Talk about a guy who got the short end of the straw, no pun intended.  Dead at 42, its a sad day for fans of the child actor.  It seems he was never really able to get on top of things after Diff’rent Strokes.  So, one last time I’mma ask, “What’choo talkin’ bout Willis?”  May he RIP…

..In better news, the Lakers put away the Suns last night.  Gotta be honest I didn’t watch the game, I was uh, lets say preoccupied.  Me and one of my buddies were looking for a little trouble to get into last night, so naturally I called up one of my privates to get a little guidance.  If you want to get in trouble, call a private.  They ought to have a national get in trouble hotline.  He recommended a gentleman’s club called Dreams and I gotta hand it to the kid, I was not disappointed.  El Paso has talent.  Its official…

…Speaking of strip clubs my buddy Palmeiri’s got a great theory on the type of people that frequent them.

You’ve got three types of people that go to strip clubs.  You’ve got the party guy.  The party guy goes to the strip club with a curly blonde wig, a fake gold chain, and he looks like a character out of Grand Theft Auto.  He’s just there to have fun with his other wild buddies. The girls are secondary to him.

You’ve got the regular beer drinking Joe.  This guy goes to the strip club to get drunk with girls that are paid to love him.  He likes the occasional lap dance.  He tips well.  He loves BYOB strip clubs and is usually seen sharing a 30 pack with a few buddies.  Its a great thing.  Most of you all probably fit into this category.

And lastly, you’ve got the creep.  This dude is easily identifiable because he’s alone, he doesn’t tip, and he’d rather look without touching.  He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smile, and he looks as if he’s taking mental notes on the girls behavioral patterns the whole times he’s there.  Might want to avoid this guy.

…in other news, I refuse to get involved in this Oil disaster nonsense.  This story is huge and the blame game is out of control.  Yesterday the heads started to roll, with the firing of Elizabeth Birnbaum, the head of the Mineral Management Service, the office of the Interior Department responsible for overseeing oil and gas development.  Someone has gotta go, that’s the name of the game…

…isn’t it crazy how words become a part of our vocabulary so quickly because of the media.  Remember the hanging chad.  Now the word is Top Kill.  This process of sealing the oil well leak is now a part of our everyday vernacular.  I find this phenomenon fascinating….

…last but not least, Alicia Keys is pregnant with Swizz Beats baby. Apparently they’re engaged as well. Swizz Beats is one skinny mofo. I’m interested to see how Alicia handles being a stepmom to Swizzy’s other children. Also how does she deal with Swizzy’s ex?

All in all, its a sad day for brothers everywhere, we’re gonna miss you Alicia. I guess it’s time to get over that 9th grade fantasy huh…

So, todays an off day for me.   The best part about the Army is the four day weekend  every month.  And the month of leave every year.   And the half day schedule for most of the month of December.  So, since I’m off, I’m gonna crack open this brew, sit and stew, and politic a bit til the weekends through.   Lata.

…check please…

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Queensbridge in the building
May 28, 2010, 3:52 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I friggin love Ron Artest. He is the weirdest friggin guy. He’s so volatile, so eccentric, so unpredictable that he just makes for awesome TV. I love the guy. Here’s another great Artest moment from last night. Fast forward to the 1:10 mark.

This guy is awesome. You see how uncomfortable Sager was? Great stuff.

Anyway, congratulations to the Lakers, great game and even better ending. Great hustle play by Ron.

…check please…



Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs

Allow me to be the first to remove the foot from my mouth and pick my face off of the ground.  If my life depended on my NBA Playoff prognosticating ability, I would be one dead son of a gun.  Lots of big stories…

…The Magic, ohhh the Magic.  I really hope they aren’t teasing us.  I may have a new favorite player in Jameer Nelson.  That kid is a true fighter.  he just looks like a guy who’s come out on the right side of a few scraps in his life time.  With him as the leader of that soft Magic bunch, he may be just tough enough to get them another victory.  I don’t know about the Finals though.  Jameer is like that chocolate syrup that hardens when you pour it on ice cream.  He’s tough enough to carry his guys now but sooner or later someone’s gonna stick a spoon through him….

…The Suns, ohhh the Suns.  The emergence of the Suns frontcourt as a dominant force bodes extremely well for a team looking to make it to their first NBA Finals since 1993.  I like this series a lot.  Its Kobe and his disgust for the Lakers defensive effort, against what seems to be a ragtag bunch of speedy gunslingers with wildly different personalities.  Its a good dramatic series.  I still see the Lakers pulling it out because when it gets down to it, always bet with the superstar, especially if his name is Bean Bryant….

…Wade announces that he will discuss his future home with Joe Johnson and Lebron James before deciding what team to sign with.  This is a very good thing for the NBA.  Can anyone say 2010 Dream Team…

…Two thoughts from last nights Magic game.  The first, did you see that friggin knockout elbow from Dwight Howard???  At first it didn’t even look like he came down on Baby Davis that hard.  But once I saw Davis wobbling, falling into Joey Crawford’s arms, disoriented and unable to stand, I realized that this dude is in La La land.  Could you imagine if that Dwight cocked back and punched someone on purpose.  Jeez, it be lights out for the year.  You could wake me up in 2030 when the Orioles when the pennant….

…Second, whenever anybody(David Stern) says to me that the NBA is a clean league, as is not corrupted by gambling cheats, I point to instances like yesterday.  Kendrick Perkins gets booted out of the game, for no reason.  He did the right thing in everyway and still gets tossed.  Someone’s got money on that game.  Tossing Perkins out totally changes the make up of the Celtics.  Perkins is a guy that doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, he just works and plays defense, better and harder than any of the Celtics big men.  I smell something fishy.  Did Tim Donaghy make an appearance last night?…stay tuned to that one….

…Enough basketball.  Did anyone see Venus’s ASS all over the screen at the French Open.  This one’s great.  Not sure where I stand on it exactly.  I love booty, but its a little classless to have it hanging out a sporting event.

Apparently its the cool thing to do now for athletes to show off there junk on the internet.  Most recently Tampa Bay Rays baller Evan Longoria.  A few months backs Spurs guard George Hill.  Before that Dorrell Wright, Greg Oden, and even Grady Sizemore. Grady Sizemore is an awesome porno name if Grady wants a second career. Thats insane.  Holy crap guys, the only people who know who you are, are men, and we have junk of our own.  Stop posting pictures of your junk on the internet.  Atleast make a sex tape and get paid for it….

..Boobs…

…This post took a turn for the worse.  We got Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs.  Awesome work on my behalf.  I do it for you guys.  Gotta go to work.

…check please…



While you were off…this weekends best stories

Its Monday, which means its that time again.  Back to work, and back to blogging.  If you were sleep, on Mars, or busy tying fair damsels to train tracks in the deserts of New Austin playing Red Dead Redemption like me, here’s what you missed.

….Lost is finally over.  After six seasons the underwhelming series finale was last night.  My initial thoughts, meh.  Just ok. I guess it had to be kind of sappy but jeez it was like watching the Notebook for the first time.  Plus the darn thing had over 45 minutes of commericals. It was down right ridiculous. All in all its nice to see an era come to an end and it was awesome seeing Sawyer and Juliet reunite over an Apollo bar. Touching…..

….The Lakers lost. The Suns showed up in a big way. I had to flip back and forth all night between the game and Lost so it was hard to get into it, but I tell you what though guys. The Suns are a different team at home. And with Bynum only dropping two points and playing seven minutes a game, the Lakers length is not nearly as much of an advantage. The biggest difference to me was, Robin Lopez. He brings grit to that soft serve team. And it doesn’t hurt when your best player drops 42 points and plays out of his mind….

The Cavs fired Mike Brown. This means one of two things; either Bron is staying because this is what he wanted, or Bron is definitely leaving because Mike was his boy.  Either way, what does this change?  It could be a significant move come July, when Lebron says, yea I was gonna stay, then they fired my boy who led us to 272 wins in 5 seasons.  How many teams would kill for that type of production and consistency?

…The Blackhawks win, they’ll be playing for the Stanley Cup against either Philly or Montreal.  What city are the Blackhawks from again?  What sport is this?….

Apparently Ashton Kutcher is on fire

…Shrek was number one at the box office.  I stopped watching after Shrek 2.  Are these movies any good anymore?  Apparently America thinks so.  My buddy Jones, sends me a text from the theater in Columbia, SC telling me that these darn kids are making too much noise in the theater.  Of course my response is, well thats what you get for going to see Shrek the weekend it opens on a Saturday afternoon buddy….

….216 people reached the summit of everest this weekend.  I though climbing everest was rare.  These guys were having a friggin frat party atop the world’s highest peak. BTW climbing Everest is not a poor mans accomplishment, did you know it cost close to 100K to do it….

…Brittany Murphy’s husband is dead. HOLLYWOOD, STOP DOING DRUGS….

…The Redskins still may trade Haynesworth. Bad idea. This guy is a monster. Find a way to motivate this guy, tell him to play end and not nose tackle and put his fat ass on the field. If the Redskins trade him, they lose, not him….

…Also, T.O. is a homosexual dirt bag. But the Redskins should sign him. I guarantee he’s catching over 80 balls and putting up over 1,000 yards receiving with us. There isn’t a better conditioned athlete in the league and the guy can flat out play. He’s just a douchebag.  Do you want to win or not Dan Snyder?…

Sadly, blogging isn’t my full time job. Gotta go to work.

What did I miss? Any other big stories out there?

…check please…