Diary of a misEducated Black Man


On that Midnight Train to Georgia
July 22, 2010, 2:32 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race | Tags: , , , , , ,

Today, I’m hopping on a plane to Ft. Benning, GA. Jump School starts Monday and I can’t wait. So, the blog will probably be on hold for about three weeks, but I’ll update it when I can. DC Sports fans I’m sorry. But I must leave you in the hands of the Washington Post and the Worldwide Leader. I hope they take care of you. If not I shall be back for vengeance.

Anyway, everybody take care, and do something great for somebody else.’



Who’s Ass is it Anyways?

T

Because, I’m bored I have scoured the net for my two favorite things, ass and laughter.  I present you with both on a shining silver platter.  Bon Appetit!

BigAss.jpg Big Asses image by LenDt64

Has anyone ever heard of the Hottentot Venus?  As a connoisseur of ze bootay, I’d give these cheeks like a good 7 out of 10.  They’ve got size, certainly girth, but no proportion.  No shape.  Not to mention more potholes than DC streets.  A good 7 out of 10.

Next we have our entry into the odd category.

I’m not even sure what to say about this one.  I’d be impressed if it were true.  Lets assume its undoctored, you’d have to give the guy a 10 out of 10 for effort.  I mean that would be impressive, prolly pretty hot and stanky too.  Gross.

Wow.

I love the guy on the rights expressions.  He’s thinkin, all she needs is my meat in between those buns.  Yeah that was a little gross I know.  But, wow, what a apple bottom.  That sucker looks like a tear drop from rolling down the cheek of God.

Celeb ass.

Lindsay Lohan, kinda small for my taste.  But not bad shape.  She’s got about a two finger smile.  For those that aren’t familiar with the finger measuring of booty smile method, let me explain.  You take your hand, fingers extended and joined, palms facing upward and you slide them toward the bottom crease of a females behind.  On Lindsay here it would be that smiley face about 3 inches below her panty line.  Now you place your fingers, extended and joined, right underneath that smiley face.  Then you count the number of fingers that the booty covers.  If it gets the whole hand, you’ve got yourself a fiver.  Lindsay’s about a two.

Now a celeb with an ass.  Fantastic behind here.

Her ass is so unbelievable that I’m done typing.  Just admire it.

You’ve got the fiver, the double fiver, then you’ve got the I could go to sleep under your ass in the desert and not get sunburned.

Ok, fine.  Its too big.  There, I said it.

Tara Reid ass.

She’s only 34, and gorgeous from the front.  But she needs to put some pants on.

Ha!

NOT!

Don’t light firecrackers in your bum.

Save it for the movies.

Whats an Ass post without this stuff.

I was born covered in it.

Cant have an ass post with Cherokee D’ Ass

cherokee-big-black-booty-3.jpg cherokee d ass image by Sins_Of_Unlucky1990

WOW!  I don’t even know where to begin.  She’s got double fivers easily.  Drooping slightly with age, but overall size, girth, shape, highness, its pretty top notch.  Its pretty impressive that she’s able to carry that thing on her back everywhere she goes.

And because I’m not sure ass gets better than this…

Here’s another…

…and another…

…and another…

…ok last one…

Now, this may have not been my most intellectual post.  Maybe not even thought provocating, argument starting, intellectual inspiring, or anything along the lines.  But for some reason, I think this will go down as a lot of folks favorite.  This was fun.  Thats what everybody needs in there life.  An excuse to look at ass.  For the record J.Lo has a beautiful behind, but Jessica Biel has the nicest ass ever created.  Hands down.  Shape, four to five finger smile (I’d love to get an accurate measurement), nice and high, tight enough, but not a rock, no lumps, mountains, dingleberry’s or divits, perfect.  I just wanna crawl up inside it and take a nap.  Ahh, i wish this was a real job.

Oh yea, I’m still collectin money for the broke soldier foundation, lol.

…check please…



Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell; the politics of gay
July 15, 2010, 2:47 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So, I just got back from this ridiculous professional development course the Army requires us to take called, Warrior Leaders Course.  Its real hooah, hooah, focuses on marching around, singing cadences and by the book leadership.  All the boring stuff.

As a result of this, I miss the World Cup,  apparently Big Papi’s alive, George Steinbrenner’s dead, and bygolly they’re building a mosque at Ground Zero.  Jeez.  I’m going to Airborne school next Friday and I bet by time I get back, there will be a guy name Hussein in the White House.  Aww I know, bad joke, predictable huh.  Funny thing is, there are actually two Hussein’s there.

So today I’m back at the office, on the normal daily grind, consisting of ducking officers and high ranking sergeants so no one realizes that I don’t have a job.  I tell you what, pretending to be busy is absolutely more exhausting than actually doing work.  I’m up in down the stairs like hookers in and out of a Motel 6.  Its the constant drag.

Myself and one of my buddies get into an argument, more of a gentlemans debate, regarding Obama’s Army and the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell crap.


Before today, I felt as though, hey the policy works, its not broke why mess with it?  But then my buddy informs me of the fine print.  He says, the issue that people are having is with the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell part.

Thats the banner issue that the tree huggers are clinging to.  So fine, get rid of it.  But that still doesn’t allow for openly gay, flamboyant behavior or gay sexual practices in the military.  You still have to have military bearing.  You still must adhere to military standards.  There will be no public displays of affection whether gay or straight.  You must talk clear and thunderously.  You must have command presence.  These things are universal and are in the doctrine.  They do not discriminate based on race, gender, or sexual orientation.

All members of the service must abide by the standard, and its generally a straight male standard.  And sodomy or homosexual sexual relations is still punishable by UCMJ.  As in you will be kicked out of the army if, you have gay sex.

Wow, so what changes really?  If they change the law, I can now ask you if you’re gay, so if I want to kick you out, I’ve just got to overhear you talking about sex.  All it takes is one soldier to be offended by something a gay guy says or does and the gay dude’s gone.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, actually protected homosexuals because then, there was no proof.  A gay guy could talk with his buddies about really slammin it home lastnight and waking the neighbors up and all that.  We would simply assume he’s talking about a woman.  No one would be offended.  But now that he’s openly gay, it becomes not only illegal and possibly offensive, but punishable by court martial.  Always a loop hole eh.  The Army’s still the Good Ol’ Boys Club.

So in other news, I and some pals have started a foundation called the Broke Soldiers Foundation.  Because the Army pays us so poorly, sometimes doesn’t pay us at all, is quick to take money out of our checks, but slow to put money in when they owe us, we’ve decided to take up a fund.  1 dollar goes a long way towards freedom.  Plus, I need a beer to deal with this crap everyday.  Thx.

…check please….



Gary Coleman Dead, Lakers Win, and Strippers

The Lakers finally put the pesky Suns away last night.  Gary Coleman passed away today.  Oh and did anybody hear, there is a pretty big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  More big stories…

…Gotta start with Gary Coleman.  Talk about a guy who got the short end of the straw, no pun intended.  Dead at 42, its a sad day for fans of the child actor.  It seems he was never really able to get on top of things after Diff’rent Strokes.  So, one last time I’mma ask, “What’choo talkin’ bout Willis?”  May he RIP…

..In better news, the Lakers put away the Suns last night.  Gotta be honest I didn’t watch the game, I was uh, lets say preoccupied.  Me and one of my buddies were looking for a little trouble to get into last night, so naturally I called up one of my privates to get a little guidance.  If you want to get in trouble, call a private.  They ought to have a national get in trouble hotline.  He recommended a gentleman’s club called Dreams and I gotta hand it to the kid, I was not disappointed.  El Paso has talent.  Its official…

…Speaking of strip clubs my buddy Palmeiri’s got a great theory on the type of people that frequent them.

You’ve got three types of people that go to strip clubs.  You’ve got the party guy.  The party guy goes to the strip club with a curly blonde wig, a fake gold chain, and he looks like a character out of Grand Theft Auto.  He’s just there to have fun with his other wild buddies. The girls are secondary to him.

You’ve got the regular beer drinking Joe.  This guy goes to the strip club to get drunk with girls that are paid to love him.  He likes the occasional lap dance.  He tips well.  He loves BYOB strip clubs and is usually seen sharing a 30 pack with a few buddies.  Its a great thing.  Most of you all probably fit into this category.

And lastly, you’ve got the creep.  This dude is easily identifiable because he’s alone, he doesn’t tip, and he’d rather look without touching.  He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smile, and he looks as if he’s taking mental notes on the girls behavioral patterns the whole times he’s there.  Might want to avoid this guy.

…in other news, I refuse to get involved in this Oil disaster nonsense.  This story is huge and the blame game is out of control.  Yesterday the heads started to roll, with the firing of Elizabeth Birnbaum, the head of the Mineral Management Service, the office of the Interior Department responsible for overseeing oil and gas development.  Someone has gotta go, that’s the name of the game…

…isn’t it crazy how words become a part of our vocabulary so quickly because of the media.  Remember the hanging chad.  Now the word is Top Kill.  This process of sealing the oil well leak is now a part of our everyday vernacular.  I find this phenomenon fascinating….

…last but not least, Alicia Keys is pregnant with Swizz Beats baby. Apparently they’re engaged as well. Swizz Beats is one skinny mofo. I’m interested to see how Alicia handles being a stepmom to Swizzy’s other children. Also how does she deal with Swizzy’s ex?

All in all, its a sad day for brothers everywhere, we’re gonna miss you Alicia. I guess it’s time to get over that 9th grade fantasy huh…

So, todays an off day for me.   The best part about the Army is the four day weekend  every month.  And the month of leave every year.   And the half day schedule for most of the month of December.  So, since I’m off, I’m gonna crack open this brew, sit and stew, and politic a bit til the weekends through.   Lata.

…check please…



Magic win in Boston, for real??

Now that was unexpected.  The Magic showed some friggin heart.  Well, atleast one player on there team did.  My buddy Bill Simmons wrote an article a little while ago about urgency.

“The third is faux urgency — when a team’s players don’t trust each other or their coach and don’t have the right leadership in place, but they’re desperately pressing to make a bad situation work anyway.  That’s the worst kind of urgency.  By the way, I have no idea whether Orlando has real urgency or faux urgency. I’m leaning toward the latter. Stay tuned.”

Bill wrote this over a week ago, with the Magic in the midst of a eight game playoff win streak mind you, but, Bill I stayed tune.  Although the Magic won last night on the Celtics home floor, I still don’t see the real urgency in the eyes of the players on that team.  Last night Jeff Van Gundy noted that Danny Ferry had assembled a team full of winners for the Celtics.  As you look at the Celtics player by player, you could make an outstanding argument that each player on that team wants to win more than the other one.

With the Magic its easy, Jameer Nelson.  He’s the only one with that Philly scrap in him.

Rashard Lewis, soft.  Dwight Howard, not soft, but apathetic.  J.J. Reddick, might be the second toughest guy on the team which is a shame because he’s a jumpshooting two guard.  Matt Barnes, he’s got a little scrap, but lacks the ability to make a difference.  Vince Carter, I’m so disgusted with my former idol I won’t even talk about him.  Who else?  We can go down the roster.

They’re all soft or apathetic.  They don’t have real urgency.

Now I know you’re thinking, did I even watch the game last night?  They won right?  They won because Paul Pierce missed two good looks from three end, the Celts got tired, and a desperation heave by Baby Davis was the cherry on top.  But that was a team out there that wanted to win.

Jameer Nelson absolutely willed his team to victory.  He slashed to the basket, he hit big shots down the stretch, and he energized his team.  He was the only Magic with real urgency last night.  Even when Dwight’s scoring 30 plus and bringing down 15 plus boards he just doesn’t look into it to me.  Even his post game interview lacks passion and authority.

They need to sprinkle a little Kobe fire powder on the Magic if they even want to consider winning this thing.

With that said, this series is over next game.  The Celtics are just to passionate about winning.

…check please…



While you were off…this weekends best stories

Its Monday, which means its that time again.  Back to work, and back to blogging.  If you were sleep, on Mars, or busy tying fair damsels to train tracks in the deserts of New Austin playing Red Dead Redemption like me, here’s what you missed.

….Lost is finally over.  After six seasons the underwhelming series finale was last night.  My initial thoughts, meh.  Just ok. I guess it had to be kind of sappy but jeez it was like watching the Notebook for the first time.  Plus the darn thing had over 45 minutes of commericals. It was down right ridiculous. All in all its nice to see an era come to an end and it was awesome seeing Sawyer and Juliet reunite over an Apollo bar. Touching…..

….The Lakers lost. The Suns showed up in a big way. I had to flip back and forth all night between the game and Lost so it was hard to get into it, but I tell you what though guys. The Suns are a different team at home. And with Bynum only dropping two points and playing seven minutes a game, the Lakers length is not nearly as much of an advantage. The biggest difference to me was, Robin Lopez. He brings grit to that soft serve team. And it doesn’t hurt when your best player drops 42 points and plays out of his mind….

The Cavs fired Mike Brown. This means one of two things; either Bron is staying because this is what he wanted, or Bron is definitely leaving because Mike was his boy.  Either way, what does this change?  It could be a significant move come July, when Lebron says, yea I was gonna stay, then they fired my boy who led us to 272 wins in 5 seasons.  How many teams would kill for that type of production and consistency?

…The Blackhawks win, they’ll be playing for the Stanley Cup against either Philly or Montreal.  What city are the Blackhawks from again?  What sport is this?….

Apparently Ashton Kutcher is on fire

…Shrek was number one at the box office.  I stopped watching after Shrek 2.  Are these movies any good anymore?  Apparently America thinks so.  My buddy Jones, sends me a text from the theater in Columbia, SC telling me that these darn kids are making too much noise in the theater.  Of course my response is, well thats what you get for going to see Shrek the weekend it opens on a Saturday afternoon buddy….

….216 people reached the summit of everest this weekend.  I though climbing everest was rare.  These guys were having a friggin frat party atop the world’s highest peak. BTW climbing Everest is not a poor mans accomplishment, did you know it cost close to 100K to do it….

…Brittany Murphy’s husband is dead. HOLLYWOOD, STOP DOING DRUGS….

…The Redskins still may trade Haynesworth. Bad idea. This guy is a monster. Find a way to motivate this guy, tell him to play end and not nose tackle and put his fat ass on the field. If the Redskins trade him, they lose, not him….

…Also, T.O. is a homosexual dirt bag. But the Redskins should sign him. I guarantee he’s catching over 80 balls and putting up over 1,000 yards receiving with us. There isn’t a better conditioned athlete in the league and the guy can flat out play. He’s just a douchebag.  Do you want to win or not Dan Snyder?…

Sadly, blogging isn’t my full time job. Gotta go to work.

What did I miss? Any other big stories out there?

…check please…



Its a landslide: Kobe vs Lebron
May 20, 2010, 10:35 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , ,

I don’t know who decided that the NBA Playoffs needs to span three months.  Do the Celtics really need until Saturday to do away with the Magic again?  Seriously David Stern, they play basketball.  It’s grueling, hard, tiring, injury proned, yea, yea, I got it…but so is hockey and those studs play every other night come playoff time.

BUT!

This entry isn’t about my beef with the NBA playoff system.  No this post is much more groundbreaking than that.  You see my beautiful people, I have been brainwashed.  I have been bathing in the koolaid.  The blindfold has finally been lifted and praise the Lord, now I can see again.  Its like when you go to the eye doctor and they start swapping out those lenses, “can you read line 6 now?”  “YES!!!!”  I can finally read those little letters at the bottom.  And you know what they spell out…

Damn, I can’t even type it yet.  This is going to take a lot to admit.

For those of you who know me, have read my past work, or have listened to me quip and boast about the greatness of Lebron Raymone James, you might want to take a seat.  Keep that defibulator handy and maybe even go ahead and get EMS on standbye.  Just a suggestion.

As of today, on the 20th day of May in the year of our Lord 2010, I hereby announce/admit that Kobe Bean Bryant is….

better than Lebron James.

Whew!  It feels so good to finally get that out.  I’ve been holding that one in for a while.  It’s like that fart when you first get out of church after holding it through half the New Testament.  What a relief.  Loyal readers, I tell you what.  I’ve been raging a one man uphill battle against the throngs of Kobe supporters for the last seven years and bygolly I’m through.  After this years playoffs, my sword has become dull, my throw away pistol is out of rounds, and quite frankly I’m feeling a lot like Lebron in game 5.  I’m just not that into to it.

Some of you will read this and go, well duh, of course Kobe is better.  He’s a 12 time All-Star, 10 time All-Defensive player, Slam Dunk Champ, two time scoring champ, and he scored 81 friggin points in a game.  But, most importantly, Kobe’s got the bling times four.  The bling times four puts Kobe in rare air.  If he gets one more in a few weeks, he’s one away from the Legend of His Airness, and I tell you what…we’ll be having a totally different discussion then, one that Lebron wouldn’t even be allowed to eavesdrop on rather be apart of.

Kobe Bryant is a friggin winner.  The guy may have cheated on his wife, he may have raped a maid, he may be gay, he may be the most arrogant son of a jackal in the game, but dude is a stone cold killer on the court.

This guy is a winner.

Did you see that glance he gave Gasol last night on the bench?  He gave Gasol the look that said, its the fourth quarter and it’s time to win.  And Kobe’s team responded as they do time and time again.  They are great, and will be in the finals for the third straight year.

Now, look guys.  Lebron, thats my boy.  We’re about the same age, graduated HS at the same time and I been watchin his games since ESPN started airing them when he was 8.  The guy was and is still a prodigy.  No one in the world is as gifted physically and athletically as Lebron James.  In a one on one match up with no money on the line, Lebron beats Kobe.  But put a lil somethin on the table and I’m telling you Kobe’s hunger, that drive, that killer inside of him will eat Lebron for dinner.  Thats what seperates the two.

Kobe is a superior shooter and arguably the better leader.  But, Lebron makes up for all that with talent, his natural physical and athletic gifts.  What puts Kobe over the top and far into the lead regarding this discussion is Kobe’s mentality.  Lebron’s personality is like Lamar Odom’s.  He cares sometimes and other times he’d rather be doing something else.  Kobe’s personality is like the one and only, His Airness, the inimitable, thou who’s name need not be mentioned.

If you’re still alive I applaud you.  I’m sorry Lebron, but I am no longer a witness.  I’ve watched you for so long.  You teased me when you showed me the fire against Detroit in 2007, but that was three years ago.  Lebron, me and your are done.  Its over.  You can keep the kids, just lemme get the house, and the Maybach.

Who do you all think is better?

…check please…