Diary of a misEducated Black Man


Who’s Ass is it Anyways?

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Because, I’m bored I have scoured the net for my two favorite things, ass and laughter.  I present you with both on a shining silver platter.  Bon Appetit!

BigAss.jpg Big Asses image by LenDt64

Has anyone ever heard of the Hottentot Venus?  As a connoisseur of ze bootay, I’d give these cheeks like a good 7 out of 10.  They’ve got size, certainly girth, but no proportion.  No shape.  Not to mention more potholes than DC streets.  A good 7 out of 10.

Next we have our entry into the odd category.

I’m not even sure what to say about this one.  I’d be impressed if it were true.  Lets assume its undoctored, you’d have to give the guy a 10 out of 10 for effort.  I mean that would be impressive, prolly pretty hot and stanky too.  Gross.

Wow.

I love the guy on the rights expressions.  He’s thinkin, all she needs is my meat in between those buns.  Yeah that was a little gross I know.  But, wow, what a apple bottom.  That sucker looks like a tear drop from rolling down the cheek of God.

Celeb ass.

Lindsay Lohan, kinda small for my taste.  But not bad shape.  She’s got about a two finger smile.  For those that aren’t familiar with the finger measuring of booty smile method, let me explain.  You take your hand, fingers extended and joined, palms facing upward and you slide them toward the bottom crease of a females behind.  On Lindsay here it would be that smiley face about 3 inches below her panty line.  Now you place your fingers, extended and joined, right underneath that smiley face.  Then you count the number of fingers that the booty covers.  If it gets the whole hand, you’ve got yourself a fiver.  Lindsay’s about a two.

Now a celeb with an ass.  Fantastic behind here.

Her ass is so unbelievable that I’m done typing.  Just admire it.

You’ve got the fiver, the double fiver, then you’ve got the I could go to sleep under your ass in the desert and not get sunburned.

Ok, fine.  Its too big.  There, I said it.

Tara Reid ass.

She’s only 34, and gorgeous from the front.  But she needs to put some pants on.

Ha!

NOT!

Don’t light firecrackers in your bum.

Save it for the movies.

Whats an Ass post without this stuff.

I was born covered in it.

Cant have an ass post with Cherokee D’ Ass

cherokee-big-black-booty-3.jpg cherokee d ass image by Sins_Of_Unlucky1990

WOW!  I don’t even know where to begin.  She’s got double fivers easily.  Drooping slightly with age, but overall size, girth, shape, highness, its pretty top notch.  Its pretty impressive that she’s able to carry that thing on her back everywhere she goes.

And because I’m not sure ass gets better than this…

Here’s another…

…and another…

…and another…

…ok last one…

Now, this may have not been my most intellectual post.  Maybe not even thought provocating, argument starting, intellectual inspiring, or anything along the lines.  But for some reason, I think this will go down as a lot of folks favorite.  This was fun.  Thats what everybody needs in there life.  An excuse to look at ass.  For the record J.Lo has a beautiful behind, but Jessica Biel has the nicest ass ever created.  Hands down.  Shape, four to five finger smile (I’d love to get an accurate measurement), nice and high, tight enough, but not a rock, no lumps, mountains, dingleberry’s or divits, perfect.  I just wanna crawl up inside it and take a nap.  Ahh, i wish this was a real job.

Oh yea, I’m still collectin money for the broke soldier foundation, lol.

…check please…

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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell; the politics of gay
July 15, 2010, 2:47 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So, I just got back from this ridiculous professional development course the Army requires us to take called, Warrior Leaders Course.  Its real hooah, hooah, focuses on marching around, singing cadences and by the book leadership.  All the boring stuff.

As a result of this, I miss the World Cup,  apparently Big Papi’s alive, George Steinbrenner’s dead, and bygolly they’re building a mosque at Ground Zero.  Jeez.  I’m going to Airborne school next Friday and I bet by time I get back, there will be a guy name Hussein in the White House.  Aww I know, bad joke, predictable huh.  Funny thing is, there are actually two Hussein’s there.

So today I’m back at the office, on the normal daily grind, consisting of ducking officers and high ranking sergeants so no one realizes that I don’t have a job.  I tell you what, pretending to be busy is absolutely more exhausting than actually doing work.  I’m up in down the stairs like hookers in and out of a Motel 6.  Its the constant drag.

Myself and one of my buddies get into an argument, more of a gentlemans debate, regarding Obama’s Army and the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell crap.


Before today, I felt as though, hey the policy works, its not broke why mess with it?  But then my buddy informs me of the fine print.  He says, the issue that people are having is with the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell part.

Thats the banner issue that the tree huggers are clinging to.  So fine, get rid of it.  But that still doesn’t allow for openly gay, flamboyant behavior or gay sexual practices in the military.  You still have to have military bearing.  You still must adhere to military standards.  There will be no public displays of affection whether gay or straight.  You must talk clear and thunderously.  You must have command presence.  These things are universal and are in the doctrine.  They do not discriminate based on race, gender, or sexual orientation.

All members of the service must abide by the standard, and its generally a straight male standard.  And sodomy or homosexual sexual relations is still punishable by UCMJ.  As in you will be kicked out of the army if, you have gay sex.

Wow, so what changes really?  If they change the law, I can now ask you if you’re gay, so if I want to kick you out, I’ve just got to overhear you talking about sex.  All it takes is one soldier to be offended by something a gay guy says or does and the gay dude’s gone.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, actually protected homosexuals because then, there was no proof.  A gay guy could talk with his buddies about really slammin it home lastnight and waking the neighbors up and all that.  We would simply assume he’s talking about a woman.  No one would be offended.  But now that he’s openly gay, it becomes not only illegal and possibly offensive, but punishable by court martial.  Always a loop hole eh.  The Army’s still the Good Ol’ Boys Club.

So in other news, I and some pals have started a foundation called the Broke Soldiers Foundation.  Because the Army pays us so poorly, sometimes doesn’t pay us at all, is quick to take money out of our checks, but slow to put money in when they owe us, we’ve decided to take up a fund.  1 dollar goes a long way towards freedom.  Plus, I need a beer to deal with this crap everyday.  Thx.

…check please….



The Doc Rok Special Edition; Whoopi or Beyonce?

So, one of my oldest friends in the world and avid blogger, the tremendously talented  (don’t believe me check him out at http://djdocrok.wordpress.com/) DJ Doc Rok dropped me a line today.

I got a topic of discussion for ya – Is discrimination the natural state of the human race? It would seem as long as you look back in human history, someone has always got the short end of the stick, whether the discrimination is based on race, social status, gender, orientation, etc.  Then there’s the more insidious studies that show that “good looking” people are more likely to get raises, be successful, and (just this morning I heard on the radio) more likely to be acquitted at trial. This sort of discrimination isn’t “institutionalized” in the way that Jim Crow, or anti-gay marriage laws, or Arizona state laws are, but at the same time its institutionalized through society, making it perhaps more pervasive and less likely to be subject to change.
What do you think?

Well Doc, lets first look at it through a scientific lens first.  Darwin would say of course, discrimination is the natural state of man, if it weren’t we’d still be apes.  Got it.  Scientifically it makes sense because  in order to survive and evolve we must discriminate against the weak.  In a modern context it turns ugly, literally.

Now lets say for instance, in your office downtown Doc.  You are looking for a receptionist.  Pretty standard need for an office.  You hire the pretty girl because it’s better business, is it not?  You have two evenly matched candidates, one’s Whoopi and ones Beyonce…to the left, to the left you go Whoopi.  Of course that’s discrimination, and it’s illegal if you can prove it.  But is it wrong?

If the better looking receptionist causes your clients to want to sign with you just because they’d rather look at her everyday than look at Whoopi down the street.  Its better business. As a business man are you wrong for making a better business decision?  Well, yes and no.  Your discriminating yes, but like the Neanderthals your doing whats best for you, your business, and your family. I can’t blame you, I’d do the same thing, except I’d hire her so I can look at her.

Somehow it always comes back to capitalism, which in my opinion is also a natural state of man.  Thats going to draw some strange looks from people I know.  But, if you can get past this overly idealistic thinking that before Europeans ruled the world, we all broke bread in a circle, got along and sang hymns, you’ll see what I’m getting at.  Man has always been about feeding him and his.  Man is a beast-like, warmongering animal.  Capitalism is the perfect fit for such a species.  You think cavemen got along with their neighbors, who competed for the same four wooly mammoths that happened to walk by one day a year when sun was highest in the sky.  I doubt it.  And when the mammoth was slaughtered, they bartered the meat and wool.   We havn’t evolved much from those days now that I think of it.

Capitalism forces us to be discriminatory.  It is highly pervasive throughout our society and vastly different from institutional racism which can also be tied to capitalism in another 10,000 words that I’m not writing.  I’m no socialist, but Stevie Wonder can see the flaws within our current system.  To be brutally honest, I can’t blame a guy for discriminitory business practices, as long as the goal is to make money, not hate.  Discrimination is what evolved our species.  However, for a pretty chick to get acquitted in court over an ugly one is just wrong.  Now that just makes me mad.

So in the end, discrimination isn’t necessarily a bad thing to have innate to our species.  The question more or less is, is the discrimination hate based, or business/evolution based?  Does it matter?  I dunno, I’m just a guy still waiting on my little chunk of the Nobel Peace prize.

Thanks for the topic Doc.  I love it, appreciate it, and encourage more of the same…from all three of my readers.

…check please…



Approach Cautiously…Protein, Race, and Rules
May 18, 2010, 11:39 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So I’m in the gym the other day, doing the usual routine. A little cardio, a little chest, some curls for the girls, you know the fun stuff. And this guy walks up to me and he goes “wow you’re jacked, what are you taking?”   Now guys, girls, little green alien people, I, my friends am jacked like the Easter Bunny is scary…only to little kids and only one day a year.

So I tell the guy, I’m like really big on protein and stuff, like the guy on the plane in Get Smart. One of my favorite movie scenes ever BTW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRTjUHM6xfQ&feature=related

No really, I tell the guy that I’m not on anything and that I just work out every so often to stay in shape. The first thing this guy says to me is “oh its because your black.” At this point I’m floored. So I stammer out something like, “are you implying that my muscles are a result of my African-American heritage, and not the gym?  He goes, “well yea, thats what I’m saying. Black people are more naturally swole than white people. You guys are born with six packs and pecs.”

I’m pretty sure this kid is not Black.

So I walk away from this conversation a little bit introspective.  Of course, some people are born with the natural tendency to put on muscle instead of fat.  Some people are tall, some have high metabolism, and yes even some are born diesel.

But is it a race thing?  Even athletically speaking.  No white person has ever broken the 10 second mark in the 100 meter sprint.  What happened to all the white cornerbacks in the NFL?  Are white-Americans still allowed in the NBA?  JJ Redick is representing.

I almost couldn’t even argue with the guy.  The more I look around from pro sports, to my local gym, people of African descent have better physics and are more athletic.  Is that racist?

But boy does it change when you say, well when I look around at debate teams, politicians, professors, coaches, CEO’s, the nations wealthiest people lists…the faces are overwhelmingly white.  Does that mean that white people are smarter?  Is that genetic like athleticism?  Is it racist to say that Blacks are better athletes?  Is it racist to say that white people are better at everything else?

Everyone tells me I need to bury the hatchet on this whole race thing.  They tell me I’m too divisive. But when a white guy comes up to me and tells me that the reason I have an athletic build without extreme effort is because I’m Black, well I get down right offended.  So how can I bury the hatchet when I’m still fighting the same stereotypes that my people have been fighting since the very first Afro-Euro encounters.

To my white readers…scratch that.  To all my readers.  Follow the rules below and race relations in America will improve because of you.

1.  The Golden Rule of Race:  Think before you friggin talk.  Your mom has been telling you that since you were born.  If it sounds racist it probably is.

2.  Racist jokes are not funny, they’re racist.  Thats why they are called racist jokes.

3. If you’re in a group of three or more and one of the persons is the racial minority, do not take every opportunity you can to point it out.  For example: Two white guys and Black dude are hungry.  Don’t ask the Black guy if he wants to go to Popeyes.

4. Ask questions.  Seriously, it’s better than getting your head smashed in.  If you grew up in rural Kansas and you don’t know Michael Jackson from 50 cent, you might want to ask somebody.  Perfect example:  My man Jim when I was in Iraq asked me, why do you put the stocking on your head at night? Is it a fashion thing?  So I broke it down for him.  I explained the texture of Black hair.  I explained the complexities and intricacies of obtaining, grooming, and maintaining 360 waves.  Jim did it the right way and so should you.

5. Finally, use common sense people.  It really is just that simple.

I’m trying my darndest to improve race relations in America.  If Obama can get a Noble Prize, I should at least get like a ribbon or somethin, a little certificate of appreciation.  Baby steps people, baby steps.

Please, somebody tell me what you think.

…check please…