Diary of a misEducated Black Man

Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs

Allow me to be the first to remove the foot from my mouth and pick my face off of the ground.  If my life depended on my NBA Playoff prognosticating ability, I would be one dead son of a gun.  Lots of big stories…

…The Magic, ohhh the Magic.  I really hope they aren’t teasing us.  I may have a new favorite player in Jameer Nelson.  That kid is a true fighter.  he just looks like a guy who’s come out on the right side of a few scraps in his life time.  With him as the leader of that soft Magic bunch, he may be just tough enough to get them another victory.  I don’t know about the Finals though.  Jameer is like that chocolate syrup that hardens when you pour it on ice cream.  He’s tough enough to carry his guys now but sooner or later someone’s gonna stick a spoon through him….

…The Suns, ohhh the Suns.  The emergence of the Suns frontcourt as a dominant force bodes extremely well for a team looking to make it to their first NBA Finals since 1993.  I like this series a lot.  Its Kobe and his disgust for the Lakers defensive effort, against what seems to be a ragtag bunch of speedy gunslingers with wildly different personalities.  Its a good dramatic series.  I still see the Lakers pulling it out because when it gets down to it, always bet with the superstar, especially if his name is Bean Bryant….

…Wade announces that he will discuss his future home with Joe Johnson and Lebron James before deciding what team to sign with.  This is a very good thing for the NBA.  Can anyone say 2010 Dream Team…

…Two thoughts from last nights Magic game.  The first, did you see that friggin knockout elbow from Dwight Howard???  At first it didn’t even look like he came down on Baby Davis that hard.  But once I saw Davis wobbling, falling into Joey Crawford’s arms, disoriented and unable to stand, I realized that this dude is in La La land.  Could you imagine if that Dwight cocked back and punched someone on purpose.  Jeez, it be lights out for the year.  You could wake me up in 2030 when the Orioles when the pennant….

…Second, whenever anybody(David Stern) says to me that the NBA is a clean league, as is not corrupted by gambling cheats, I point to instances like yesterday.  Kendrick Perkins gets booted out of the game, for no reason.  He did the right thing in everyway and still gets tossed.  Someone’s got money on that game.  Tossing Perkins out totally changes the make up of the Celtics.  Perkins is a guy that doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, he just works and plays defense, better and harder than any of the Celtics big men.  I smell something fishy.  Did Tim Donaghy make an appearance last night?…stay tuned to that one….

…Enough basketball.  Did anyone see Venus’s ASS all over the screen at the French Open.  This one’s great.  Not sure where I stand on it exactly.  I love booty, but its a little classless to have it hanging out a sporting event.

Apparently its the cool thing to do now for athletes to show off there junk on the internet.  Most recently Tampa Bay Rays baller Evan Longoria.  A few months backs Spurs guard George Hill.  Before that Dorrell Wright, Greg Oden, and even Grady Sizemore. Grady Sizemore is an awesome porno name if Grady wants a second career. Thats insane.  Holy crap guys, the only people who know who you are, are men, and we have junk of our own.  Stop posting pictures of your junk on the internet.  Atleast make a sex tape and get paid for it….


…This post took a turn for the worse.  We got Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs.  Awesome work on my behalf.  I do it for you guys.  Gotta go to work.

…check please…


While you were off…this weekends best stories

Its Monday, which means its that time again.  Back to work, and back to blogging.  If you were sleep, on Mars, or busy tying fair damsels to train tracks in the deserts of New Austin playing Red Dead Redemption like me, here’s what you missed.

….Lost is finally over.  After six seasons the underwhelming series finale was last night.  My initial thoughts, meh.  Just ok. I guess it had to be kind of sappy but jeez it was like watching the Notebook for the first time.  Plus the darn thing had over 45 minutes of commericals. It was down right ridiculous. All in all its nice to see an era come to an end and it was awesome seeing Sawyer and Juliet reunite over an Apollo bar. Touching…..

….The Lakers lost. The Suns showed up in a big way. I had to flip back and forth all night between the game and Lost so it was hard to get into it, but I tell you what though guys. The Suns are a different team at home. And with Bynum only dropping two points and playing seven minutes a game, the Lakers length is not nearly as much of an advantage. The biggest difference to me was, Robin Lopez. He brings grit to that soft serve team. And it doesn’t hurt when your best player drops 42 points and plays out of his mind….

The Cavs fired Mike Brown. This means one of two things; either Bron is staying because this is what he wanted, or Bron is definitely leaving because Mike was his boy.  Either way, what does this change?  It could be a significant move come July, when Lebron says, yea I was gonna stay, then they fired my boy who led us to 272 wins in 5 seasons.  How many teams would kill for that type of production and consistency?

…The Blackhawks win, they’ll be playing for the Stanley Cup against either Philly or Montreal.  What city are the Blackhawks from again?  What sport is this?….

Apparently Ashton Kutcher is on fire

…Shrek was number one at the box office.  I stopped watching after Shrek 2.  Are these movies any good anymore?  Apparently America thinks so.  My buddy Jones, sends me a text from the theater in Columbia, SC telling me that these darn kids are making too much noise in the theater.  Of course my response is, well thats what you get for going to see Shrek the weekend it opens on a Saturday afternoon buddy….

….216 people reached the summit of everest this weekend.  I though climbing everest was rare.  These guys were having a friggin frat party atop the world’s highest peak. BTW climbing Everest is not a poor mans accomplishment, did you know it cost close to 100K to do it….

…Brittany Murphy’s husband is dead. HOLLYWOOD, STOP DOING DRUGS….

…The Redskins still may trade Haynesworth. Bad idea. This guy is a monster. Find a way to motivate this guy, tell him to play end and not nose tackle and put his fat ass on the field. If the Redskins trade him, they lose, not him….

…Also, T.O. is a homosexual dirt bag. But the Redskins should sign him. I guarantee he’s catching over 80 balls and putting up over 1,000 yards receiving with us. There isn’t a better conditioned athlete in the league and the guy can flat out play. He’s just a douchebag.  Do you want to win or not Dan Snyder?…

Sadly, blogging isn’t my full time job. Gotta go to work.

What did I miss? Any other big stories out there?

…check please…

Approach Cautiously…Protein, Race, and Rules
May 18, 2010, 11:39 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So I’m in the gym the other day, doing the usual routine. A little cardio, a little chest, some curls for the girls, you know the fun stuff. And this guy walks up to me and he goes “wow you’re jacked, what are you taking?”   Now guys, girls, little green alien people, I, my friends am jacked like the Easter Bunny is scary…only to little kids and only one day a year.

So I tell the guy, I’m like really big on protein and stuff, like the guy on the plane in Get Smart. One of my favorite movie scenes ever BTW.


No really, I tell the guy that I’m not on anything and that I just work out every so often to stay in shape. The first thing this guy says to me is “oh its because your black.” At this point I’m floored. So I stammer out something like, “are you implying that my muscles are a result of my African-American heritage, and not the gym?  He goes, “well yea, thats what I’m saying. Black people are more naturally swole than white people. You guys are born with six packs and pecs.”

I’m pretty sure this kid is not Black.

So I walk away from this conversation a little bit introspective.  Of course, some people are born with the natural tendency to put on muscle instead of fat.  Some people are tall, some have high metabolism, and yes even some are born diesel.

But is it a race thing?  Even athletically speaking.  No white person has ever broken the 10 second mark in the 100 meter sprint.  What happened to all the white cornerbacks in the NFL?  Are white-Americans still allowed in the NBA?  JJ Redick is representing.

I almost couldn’t even argue with the guy.  The more I look around from pro sports, to my local gym, people of African descent have better physics and are more athletic.  Is that racist?

But boy does it change when you say, well when I look around at debate teams, politicians, professors, coaches, CEO’s, the nations wealthiest people lists…the faces are overwhelmingly white.  Does that mean that white people are smarter?  Is that genetic like athleticism?  Is it racist to say that Blacks are better athletes?  Is it racist to say that white people are better at everything else?

Everyone tells me I need to bury the hatchet on this whole race thing.  They tell me I’m too divisive. But when a white guy comes up to me and tells me that the reason I have an athletic build without extreme effort is because I’m Black, well I get down right offended.  So how can I bury the hatchet when I’m still fighting the same stereotypes that my people have been fighting since the very first Afro-Euro encounters.

To my white readers…scratch that.  To all my readers.  Follow the rules below and race relations in America will improve because of you.

1.  The Golden Rule of Race:  Think before you friggin talk.  Your mom has been telling you that since you were born.  If it sounds racist it probably is.

2.  Racist jokes are not funny, they’re racist.  Thats why they are called racist jokes.

3. If you’re in a group of three or more and one of the persons is the racial minority, do not take every opportunity you can to point it out.  For example: Two white guys and Black dude are hungry.  Don’t ask the Black guy if he wants to go to Popeyes.

4. Ask questions.  Seriously, it’s better than getting your head smashed in.  If you grew up in rural Kansas and you don’t know Michael Jackson from 50 cent, you might want to ask somebody.  Perfect example:  My man Jim when I was in Iraq asked me, why do you put the stocking on your head at night? Is it a fashion thing?  So I broke it down for him.  I explained the texture of Black hair.  I explained the complexities and intricacies of obtaining, grooming, and maintaining 360 waves.  Jim did it the right way and so should you.

5. Finally, use common sense people.  It really is just that simple.

I’m trying my darndest to improve race relations in America.  If Obama can get a Noble Prize, I should at least get like a ribbon or somethin, a little certificate of appreciation.  Baby steps people, baby steps.

Please, somebody tell me what you think.

…check please…