Diary of a misEducated Black Man


The WIZinator: Don’t sleep on the gun club

I’m from the Nations Capital.  The epicenter of our nations government.  One of the most powerful cities in the world.  Capital of the free world.  Home to one of the most legendary and most profitable sports franchises in the history of team sports, the Washington Redskins.  To say I’m just a Redskins fan is like saying Amy Winehouse is just experimenting with drugs.  I bleed the burgundy and gold.

I’m also a part-time Wizard’s fan.  The reason I say part-time is because I’m like a part-time worker at a power plant.  No benefits, no holidays, no salary, no perks, no 401K, no stock options.  Basically, I just get 82 games a year of mediocrity.  I go to a few games a season, sit in the nosebleeds, and throw popcorn at strangers.  I’m part-time.

However, as a lifelong fan of DC Sports as a whole, I’ve got to say, I am dying for something to read.  Every story I read, whether it be from the worldwide leader, dimemag, sbnation, huffingtonpost, washingtonpost, whatever it is, its all recycled garbage.  For the last three months every story has been this; the Redskins get Donovan McNabb, they have three old running backs, they want one more, and Albert Haynesworths a dirtbag or; the Wizards get John Wall, he’s really good.  Thats about the extent of the sports world in regards to my city.  No love for the Caps.  No love for DC United.  Oh yeah, Stephen Strasburg is really really good.  Can’t forget about Lebrasburg.

So I’m here to put my city on my back.  We’re going to start off with the Wizards because I feel as though the Wizards are seriously getting overlooked for some reason.  Yes the East is gonna be rough.  The Fun Bunch in SoBe, the Three Wisemen and Baby Jesus in Bean Town, Dwight and the Dwarfs in Orlando, not to mention the Hawks, Bulls, and dare I say the Knicks…nah won’t go that far….yet.  Its going to be a difficult season for the Wiz, but I don’t think there will be many teams as exciting as the Wizards will be to watch.

Also, consider what Chris Paul did for the Hornets.  They’re saying based off summer league (I know, I know) that Wall looks like a mix of Rondo and CP, with better handle  than Rondo and more size than Paul.  The guys a dog.  He made Javale McGee look like a 23 year old Shaq playing against toddlers.  If Wall gives us a fraction of CP’s rookie production we’ll be set.

jwall11.jpg john wall image by jaleelthemanjoshua

Lets take a more indepth look at this.  Lets say Gil sticks around, as it look as though he will. Gil slides into his more natural two guard role.  So now we have JDub at one and Gil playin combo at the two.  Thats an undersized backcourt for sure, but an explosive one.  Two ballhandlers and two offensive creators.  And both can score their own shots at will.

At the three you start Nick Young.  He’s good, not great.  Solid perimeter defender, can hit the open look and a solid athlete.  However, its the depth here thats amazing.  You want to go small ball, you start Josh Howard at the three and go with the three guard look.  You want to go big you start Al Thornton or even put Yi Jianlian at the three.

At the four you’ve got the emerging superstar Andray Blatche.  Dray showed all the haters last year that he can do more than drink and party at Love the Club every night.  I can honestly say, I’ve never been to Love and not seen him there.  Never.

But thats besides the point, dude averaged 20 plus after taking over the offense last year.  But, Dray’s comming off surgery.  He’ll be rusty, probably out of shape knowing him, but by game 20 or so he’ll be good to go.  Plus the Wiz got one of the biggest steals of the offseason in Yi, as insurance for Blatche.  Yi’s not a dominant player, but the dude can friggin play the game of basketball.  He’s averaged right about 10 and 6 his whole career in just 26 minutes of play.  Plus he’s another legit seven footer on the roster.  He’s going to surprise people.

The five is to me the most intriguing position on the court for the Wizards.  We finally shed Brendon Haywood, who was softer than baby food.

Varejo is smiling at this putrid attempt at a punch from a seven foot man.  Ugh!

We got rid of my man Etan Thomas, which I was a little torn about.  Now we’ve got a bunch of young guys.  Javale McGee can straight up hoop.  I saw this dude in IKEA back in 08 after he was drafted and the guy is just huge.  Plus, he put on some weight this offseason.  The guys a better version of Tyson Chandler.  Tall, lanky, can development into an outstanding defender, and he’s got loads of athleticism.  The guy can jump out the roof.  And he has surprisingly decent hands, which is often overlooked by scouts when judging a big man.  He truly looked like a man amongst newborns during summer league.  I was thoroughly impressed.

However, after him things get a little shaky.  You’ve got Hilton Armstrong, who is a poor mans Brendan Haywood, which is not the poor man you want on your team.  Hilton doesn’t rebound, block shots, score, or do just about anything well.  But, he is seven foot.  So, theres always a place for him on somebody’s team.  The Wiz also have a very intriguing prospect out of Rutgers, Hamady Ndiaye.  Ndiaye is another seven footer with athletic ability.  Very raw at this point but could prove to be vital off the bench during the season.

John Wall aside, what excites me most about this years squad is the surprising depth of such a young team.  They have talent, youth, and depth at every position on the court.

A few predictions for the season:

Kirk Hinrich will be the sixth man of the year.

Wiz win 45 games and make the playoffs.  I would go even higher, but John Wall will hit a rookie wall, no pun intended.

Hilton Armstrong is out of the league by the end of the season.

Earl Boykins will win us three games.

Gil will be an All-Star again.

JDub wins ROY.

Oh yea, I’m still collectin money for the broke soldier foundation, lol.

…im out, like Elton John, no homo…



Texico loves Futbol, Martin Tyler, and DUI’s before noon…oh and the Celts will win tonight

I’ve been told that I’ve been treating my blog like a baby locked in a car for three hours in triple digit heat while mama goes to get her hair did.  So with that in mind, I’m here to roll the windows down just a bit for my poor blog.  Not funny I know, because people actually DO leave their kids in the car all the time.  Like here during a domestic dispute, and here while the parents smoked meth, and here while the babysitter got a facial, and here while the parents hit up the casino, and even here while mom got her drank on at a local watering hole.

But!  This is not a PSA, calling for better parenting, but, then again maybe it should be.  As usual it is a random rant of ridiculous Rabelaisian rubbish, radicated in rooster recrement.  Not sure that makes sense, but alliteration is fun.  On to the goods…amazing week in sports!

The World Cup has finally begun. Can somebody please inform the American populace.  No seriously, somebody let them know.  The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers AKA Comrade Obama needs to implement federal legislation, mandating that people tune into at least one game. You have to think, our bredren from the land of fish and chips, have found futbol to be so great that, as that stupid Hyundai commercial keeps reminding me, people name their children after entire national teams!

So, the goods so far.  Very few goals.  A huge gaffe by England keeper Robert Greene. Four goals by Germany.  Argentina looks potentially very scary.  Group G looks absolutely disgustingly difficult, with Brazil barely eeking out a win versus lowly N. Korea.  With the Ronaldo led Portuguese team and an Ivory Coast team thats dangerous as anybody in the tourney, this years Cup is shaping up to be legendary.

How bout that German team?  Jeez, a bunch of young bucks and two wiley vets have been the scariest team in the tournament.  They created opportunity after opportunity against the Socceroos.  I was highly impressed with them and speechless in regards to the Aussies poor performance.  My hat goes off to Miroslav Klose, who always seems to show up when wearing that Deutschland uniform.  Where was he during the club season?  I bet Bayern Munich fans are thinking the same thing.

Miroslav Klose Germany

But what about the damn ball?  If Mike Tirico brings up that gosh darn ball one mo gin…  Look, they complain about the ball every year.  It sucks, got it.  Now play.  Gotta say though, there was not a better moment than seeing the Red Coat Rob Greene crawling trying to keep that Clint Dempsey effort out of goal.  Awesome stuff.

This is a very low scoring tournament which I know is really turning off the casual fan, which is a nightmare for ESPN.  Too bad that the only casual fans live in the US.  Everyone else in the world is going bananas.  Trust I know.  I live in El Paso, Texico.  The bars opened up at 6am.  People were getting DUIs before noon.  I drove past the border and saw ten guys in the back of a pickup waving AKs and Mexican flags.  Its beyond bananas.

I’m in heaven.  Its like that dream I had when Hershey Park was actually made of Hershey’s.  I was very disappointed when I actually went there.  Heartbroken even.  So, I’ve decided that since I’d literally have to smack a Colonel in his face to get fired from the Army, that I’d just not go to work for a while and watch the Cup.  I mean hey, I’m a friggin Veteran, I deserve to watch the darn Cup.  BTW, if you ever wondered what warfighters do when they’re not at war, NOTHING!  So I’m watching the doggone World Cup!

Biggest observation of the WC thus far, is sadly these ridiculous vuvuzela things.  Ugh, I have never been more annoyed with any sound in the world.  Sorry Dumb and Dumber, move over.  Jeez its like living in hornets nest.  I have to mute the darn TV, which really bothers me because half the fun of watching soccer is Martin Tyler’s amazing commentating.  He has a way of saying really mean things that come across like compliments.  Must be the accent.

So now that I’ve lost my entire American readership, lets talk about a ball you all know all to well.  The Celtics are going to win tonight and thats that.  I’m out.  Want some analysis, go watch the worldwide leader!

…check please…



Gary Coleman Dead, Lakers Win, and Strippers

The Lakers finally put the pesky Suns away last night.  Gary Coleman passed away today.  Oh and did anybody hear, there is a pretty big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  More big stories…

…Gotta start with Gary Coleman.  Talk about a guy who got the short end of the straw, no pun intended.  Dead at 42, its a sad day for fans of the child actor.  It seems he was never really able to get on top of things after Diff’rent Strokes.  So, one last time I’mma ask, “What’choo talkin’ bout Willis?”  May he RIP…

..In better news, the Lakers put away the Suns last night.  Gotta be honest I didn’t watch the game, I was uh, lets say preoccupied.  Me and one of my buddies were looking for a little trouble to get into last night, so naturally I called up one of my privates to get a little guidance.  If you want to get in trouble, call a private.  They ought to have a national get in trouble hotline.  He recommended a gentleman’s club called Dreams and I gotta hand it to the kid, I was not disappointed.  El Paso has talent.  Its official…

…Speaking of strip clubs my buddy Palmeiri’s got a great theory on the type of people that frequent them.

You’ve got three types of people that go to strip clubs.  You’ve got the party guy.  The party guy goes to the strip club with a curly blonde wig, a fake gold chain, and he looks like a character out of Grand Theft Auto.  He’s just there to have fun with his other wild buddies. The girls are secondary to him.

You’ve got the regular beer drinking Joe.  This guy goes to the strip club to get drunk with girls that are paid to love him.  He likes the occasional lap dance.  He tips well.  He loves BYOB strip clubs and is usually seen sharing a 30 pack with a few buddies.  Its a great thing.  Most of you all probably fit into this category.

And lastly, you’ve got the creep.  This dude is easily identifiable because he’s alone, he doesn’t tip, and he’d rather look without touching.  He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smile, and he looks as if he’s taking mental notes on the girls behavioral patterns the whole times he’s there.  Might want to avoid this guy.

…in other news, I refuse to get involved in this Oil disaster nonsense.  This story is huge and the blame game is out of control.  Yesterday the heads started to roll, with the firing of Elizabeth Birnbaum, the head of the Mineral Management Service, the office of the Interior Department responsible for overseeing oil and gas development.  Someone has gotta go, that’s the name of the game…

…isn’t it crazy how words become a part of our vocabulary so quickly because of the media.  Remember the hanging chad.  Now the word is Top Kill.  This process of sealing the oil well leak is now a part of our everyday vernacular.  I find this phenomenon fascinating….

…last but not least, Alicia Keys is pregnant with Swizz Beats baby. Apparently they’re engaged as well. Swizz Beats is one skinny mofo. I’m interested to see how Alicia handles being a stepmom to Swizzy’s other children. Also how does she deal with Swizzy’s ex?

All in all, its a sad day for brothers everywhere, we’re gonna miss you Alicia. I guess it’s time to get over that 9th grade fantasy huh…

So, todays an off day for me.   The best part about the Army is the four day weekend  every month.  And the month of leave every year.   And the half day schedule for most of the month of December.  So, since I’m off, I’m gonna crack open this brew, sit and stew, and politic a bit til the weekends through.   Lata.

…check please…



Queensbridge in the building
May 28, 2010, 3:52 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I friggin love Ron Artest. He is the weirdest friggin guy. He’s so volatile, so eccentric, so unpredictable that he just makes for awesome TV. I love the guy. Here’s another great Artest moment from last night. Fast forward to the 1:10 mark.

This guy is awesome. You see how uncomfortable Sager was? Great stuff.

Anyway, congratulations to the Lakers, great game and even better ending. Great hustle play by Ron.

…check please…



Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs

Allow me to be the first to remove the foot from my mouth and pick my face off of the ground.  If my life depended on my NBA Playoff prognosticating ability, I would be one dead son of a gun.  Lots of big stories…

…The Magic, ohhh the Magic.  I really hope they aren’t teasing us.  I may have a new favorite player in Jameer Nelson.  That kid is a true fighter.  he just looks like a guy who’s come out on the right side of a few scraps in his life time.  With him as the leader of that soft Magic bunch, he may be just tough enough to get them another victory.  I don’t know about the Finals though.  Jameer is like that chocolate syrup that hardens when you pour it on ice cream.  He’s tough enough to carry his guys now but sooner or later someone’s gonna stick a spoon through him….

…The Suns, ohhh the Suns.  The emergence of the Suns frontcourt as a dominant force bodes extremely well for a team looking to make it to their first NBA Finals since 1993.  I like this series a lot.  Its Kobe and his disgust for the Lakers defensive effort, against what seems to be a ragtag bunch of speedy gunslingers with wildly different personalities.  Its a good dramatic series.  I still see the Lakers pulling it out because when it gets down to it, always bet with the superstar, especially if his name is Bean Bryant….

…Wade announces that he will discuss his future home with Joe Johnson and Lebron James before deciding what team to sign with.  This is a very good thing for the NBA.  Can anyone say 2010 Dream Team…

…Two thoughts from last nights Magic game.  The first, did you see that friggin knockout elbow from Dwight Howard???  At first it didn’t even look like he came down on Baby Davis that hard.  But once I saw Davis wobbling, falling into Joey Crawford’s arms, disoriented and unable to stand, I realized that this dude is in La La land.  Could you imagine if that Dwight cocked back and punched someone on purpose.  Jeez, it be lights out for the year.  You could wake me up in 2030 when the Orioles when the pennant….

…Second, whenever anybody(David Stern) says to me that the NBA is a clean league, as is not corrupted by gambling cheats, I point to instances like yesterday.  Kendrick Perkins gets booted out of the game, for no reason.  He did the right thing in everyway and still gets tossed.  Someone’s got money on that game.  Tossing Perkins out totally changes the make up of the Celtics.  Perkins is a guy that doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, he just works and plays defense, better and harder than any of the Celtics big men.  I smell something fishy.  Did Tim Donaghy make an appearance last night?…stay tuned to that one….

…Enough basketball.  Did anyone see Venus’s ASS all over the screen at the French Open.  This one’s great.  Not sure where I stand on it exactly.  I love booty, but its a little classless to have it hanging out a sporting event.

Apparently its the cool thing to do now for athletes to show off there junk on the internet.  Most recently Tampa Bay Rays baller Evan Longoria.  A few months backs Spurs guard George Hill.  Before that Dorrell Wright, Greg Oden, and even Grady Sizemore. Grady Sizemore is an awesome porno name if Grady wants a second career. Thats insane.  Holy crap guys, the only people who know who you are, are men, and we have junk of our own.  Stop posting pictures of your junk on the internet.  Atleast make a sex tape and get paid for it….

..Boobs…

…This post took a turn for the worse.  We got Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs.  Awesome work on my behalf.  I do it for you guys.  Gotta go to work.

…check please…



Magic win in Boston, for real??

Now that was unexpected.  The Magic showed some friggin heart.  Well, atleast one player on there team did.  My buddy Bill Simmons wrote an article a little while ago about urgency.

“The third is faux urgency — when a team’s players don’t trust each other or their coach and don’t have the right leadership in place, but they’re desperately pressing to make a bad situation work anyway.  That’s the worst kind of urgency.  By the way, I have no idea whether Orlando has real urgency or faux urgency. I’m leaning toward the latter. Stay tuned.”

Bill wrote this over a week ago, with the Magic in the midst of a eight game playoff win streak mind you, but, Bill I stayed tune.  Although the Magic won last night on the Celtics home floor, I still don’t see the real urgency in the eyes of the players on that team.  Last night Jeff Van Gundy noted that Danny Ferry had assembled a team full of winners for the Celtics.  As you look at the Celtics player by player, you could make an outstanding argument that each player on that team wants to win more than the other one.

With the Magic its easy, Jameer Nelson.  He’s the only one with that Philly scrap in him.

Rashard Lewis, soft.  Dwight Howard, not soft, but apathetic.  J.J. Reddick, might be the second toughest guy on the team which is a shame because he’s a jumpshooting two guard.  Matt Barnes, he’s got a little scrap, but lacks the ability to make a difference.  Vince Carter, I’m so disgusted with my former idol I won’t even talk about him.  Who else?  We can go down the roster.

They’re all soft or apathetic.  They don’t have real urgency.

Now I know you’re thinking, did I even watch the game last night?  They won right?  They won because Paul Pierce missed two good looks from three end, the Celts got tired, and a desperation heave by Baby Davis was the cherry on top.  But that was a team out there that wanted to win.

Jameer Nelson absolutely willed his team to victory.  He slashed to the basket, he hit big shots down the stretch, and he energized his team.  He was the only Magic with real urgency last night.  Even when Dwight’s scoring 30 plus and bringing down 15 plus boards he just doesn’t look into it to me.  Even his post game interview lacks passion and authority.

They need to sprinkle a little Kobe fire powder on the Magic if they even want to consider winning this thing.

With that said, this series is over next game.  The Celtics are just to passionate about winning.

…check please…



While you were off…this weekends best stories

Its Monday, which means its that time again.  Back to work, and back to blogging.  If you were sleep, on Mars, or busy tying fair damsels to train tracks in the deserts of New Austin playing Red Dead Redemption like me, here’s what you missed.

….Lost is finally over.  After six seasons the underwhelming series finale was last night.  My initial thoughts, meh.  Just ok. I guess it had to be kind of sappy but jeez it was like watching the Notebook for the first time.  Plus the darn thing had over 45 minutes of commericals. It was down right ridiculous. All in all its nice to see an era come to an end and it was awesome seeing Sawyer and Juliet reunite over an Apollo bar. Touching…..

….The Lakers lost. The Suns showed up in a big way. I had to flip back and forth all night between the game and Lost so it was hard to get into it, but I tell you what though guys. The Suns are a different team at home. And with Bynum only dropping two points and playing seven minutes a game, the Lakers length is not nearly as much of an advantage. The biggest difference to me was, Robin Lopez. He brings grit to that soft serve team. And it doesn’t hurt when your best player drops 42 points and plays out of his mind….

The Cavs fired Mike Brown. This means one of two things; either Bron is staying because this is what he wanted, or Bron is definitely leaving because Mike was his boy.  Either way, what does this change?  It could be a significant move come July, when Lebron says, yea I was gonna stay, then they fired my boy who led us to 272 wins in 5 seasons.  How many teams would kill for that type of production and consistency?

…The Blackhawks win, they’ll be playing for the Stanley Cup against either Philly or Montreal.  What city are the Blackhawks from again?  What sport is this?….

Apparently Ashton Kutcher is on fire

…Shrek was number one at the box office.  I stopped watching after Shrek 2.  Are these movies any good anymore?  Apparently America thinks so.  My buddy Jones, sends me a text from the theater in Columbia, SC telling me that these darn kids are making too much noise in the theater.  Of course my response is, well thats what you get for going to see Shrek the weekend it opens on a Saturday afternoon buddy….

….216 people reached the summit of everest this weekend.  I though climbing everest was rare.  These guys were having a friggin frat party atop the world’s highest peak. BTW climbing Everest is not a poor mans accomplishment, did you know it cost close to 100K to do it….

…Brittany Murphy’s husband is dead. HOLLYWOOD, STOP DOING DRUGS….

…The Redskins still may trade Haynesworth. Bad idea. This guy is a monster. Find a way to motivate this guy, tell him to play end and not nose tackle and put his fat ass on the field. If the Redskins trade him, they lose, not him….

…Also, T.O. is a homosexual dirt bag. But the Redskins should sign him. I guarantee he’s catching over 80 balls and putting up over 1,000 yards receiving with us. There isn’t a better conditioned athlete in the league and the guy can flat out play. He’s just a douchebag.  Do you want to win or not Dan Snyder?…

Sadly, blogging isn’t my full time job. Gotta go to work.

What did I miss? Any other big stories out there?

…check please…