Diary of a misEducated Black Man


A few words…
August 11, 2010, 12:30 am
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Jay Z Painting by me. For sale at http://www.etsy.com/shop/theyoungandthebold

So Jump School is not nearly as exciting as it seems.  In fact much like most Army schools that sound cool, the Army has the innate ability to make them suck.  Throw in a heaping scoop of that Southern Georgia heat and humidity and this is downright torturous.  Lots of standing around and waiting.  Lots of harnesses digging into my crotch.  Lots of rearranging “downstairs”.  Gallons of sweat.  Lots of disgusting CeraSport.

This crap is taste like chalk, mixed with rice flour, mixed with, sand from Iraq.  Smells great though.  You mix a packet into your canteen and its supposed to hydrate you, if it doesn’t kill you first.

I do have some bad news to report.  I have never failed in my life as much as I have in the Army.  When it comes to PT, I’m in shape so I excel.   I’m mentally pretty sharp, so I do good in Army academic style training, but every once in a while something comes my way that I just can’t conquer.

At Airborne school, its called the Swing Landing Trainer.  This 12ft nutcrusher is hell.  Literally, the Devil came down to Georgia and perched atop this apparatus.

They are about to push that poor soul off that tower and I’m sure you can imagine what happens next. The idea seems simple, you fall off, you swing, you land gracefully.  However, when you’re 6’2 and dense as the earths core, you just kinda fall like a sack of bricks.  Not pretty.

So I failed this thing, the first time.

But, a day later I conquered my nemisis.  However, I was a day late and a dollar short, and my reward was a whole extra week of Airborne training.  YAY!! Not.  Its hot as hell down here.  Somebody pray for me.

Other than that life’s swell.  I here Tiger Woods is sucking pretty bad these days.  And… that is literally the extent of real world news that I have received the last two weeks.  So yea.  Can’t wait to get back to civilization.  Somebody send me some emails and tell me whats going on in the world.

Oh, one last random thing.  Came across this on the internet today.  Normally I’m not a fan of bootleg rap videos, but something about this song made me listen a few times.  Its just so damn catchy!



The WIZinator: Don’t sleep on the gun club

I’m from the Nations Capital.  The epicenter of our nations government.  One of the most powerful cities in the world.  Capital of the free world.  Home to one of the most legendary and most profitable sports franchises in the history of team sports, the Washington Redskins.  To say I’m just a Redskins fan is like saying Amy Winehouse is just experimenting with drugs.  I bleed the burgundy and gold.

I’m also a part-time Wizard’s fan.  The reason I say part-time is because I’m like a part-time worker at a power plant.  No benefits, no holidays, no salary, no perks, no 401K, no stock options.  Basically, I just get 82 games a year of mediocrity.  I go to a few games a season, sit in the nosebleeds, and throw popcorn at strangers.  I’m part-time.

However, as a lifelong fan of DC Sports as a whole, I’ve got to say, I am dying for something to read.  Every story I read, whether it be from the worldwide leader, dimemag, sbnation, huffingtonpost, washingtonpost, whatever it is, its all recycled garbage.  For the last three months every story has been this; the Redskins get Donovan McNabb, they have three old running backs, they want one more, and Albert Haynesworths a dirtbag or; the Wizards get John Wall, he’s really good.  Thats about the extent of the sports world in regards to my city.  No love for the Caps.  No love for DC United.  Oh yeah, Stephen Strasburg is really really good.  Can’t forget about Lebrasburg.

So I’m here to put my city on my back.  We’re going to start off with the Wizards because I feel as though the Wizards are seriously getting overlooked for some reason.  Yes the East is gonna be rough.  The Fun Bunch in SoBe, the Three Wisemen and Baby Jesus in Bean Town, Dwight and the Dwarfs in Orlando, not to mention the Hawks, Bulls, and dare I say the Knicks…nah won’t go that far….yet.  Its going to be a difficult season for the Wiz, but I don’t think there will be many teams as exciting as the Wizards will be to watch.

Also, consider what Chris Paul did for the Hornets.  They’re saying based off summer league (I know, I know) that Wall looks like a mix of Rondo and CP, with better handle  than Rondo and more size than Paul.  The guys a dog.  He made Javale McGee look like a 23 year old Shaq playing against toddlers.  If Wall gives us a fraction of CP’s rookie production we’ll be set.

jwall11.jpg john wall image by jaleelthemanjoshua

Lets take a more indepth look at this.  Lets say Gil sticks around, as it look as though he will. Gil slides into his more natural two guard role.  So now we have JDub at one and Gil playin combo at the two.  Thats an undersized backcourt for sure, but an explosive one.  Two ballhandlers and two offensive creators.  And both can score their own shots at will.

At the three you start Nick Young.  He’s good, not great.  Solid perimeter defender, can hit the open look and a solid athlete.  However, its the depth here thats amazing.  You want to go small ball, you start Josh Howard at the three and go with the three guard look.  You want to go big you start Al Thornton or even put Yi Jianlian at the three.

At the four you’ve got the emerging superstar Andray Blatche.  Dray showed all the haters last year that he can do more than drink and party at Love the Club every night.  I can honestly say, I’ve never been to Love and not seen him there.  Never.

But thats besides the point, dude averaged 20 plus after taking over the offense last year.  But, Dray’s comming off surgery.  He’ll be rusty, probably out of shape knowing him, but by game 20 or so he’ll be good to go.  Plus the Wiz got one of the biggest steals of the offseason in Yi, as insurance for Blatche.  Yi’s not a dominant player, but the dude can friggin play the game of basketball.  He’s averaged right about 10 and 6 his whole career in just 26 minutes of play.  Plus he’s another legit seven footer on the roster.  He’s going to surprise people.

The five is to me the most intriguing position on the court for the Wizards.  We finally shed Brendon Haywood, who was softer than baby food.

Varejo is smiling at this putrid attempt at a punch from a seven foot man.  Ugh!

We got rid of my man Etan Thomas, which I was a little torn about.  Now we’ve got a bunch of young guys.  Javale McGee can straight up hoop.  I saw this dude in IKEA back in 08 after he was drafted and the guy is just huge.  Plus, he put on some weight this offseason.  The guys a better version of Tyson Chandler.  Tall, lanky, can development into an outstanding defender, and he’s got loads of athleticism.  The guy can jump out the roof.  And he has surprisingly decent hands, which is often overlooked by scouts when judging a big man.  He truly looked like a man amongst newborns during summer league.  I was thoroughly impressed.

However, after him things get a little shaky.  You’ve got Hilton Armstrong, who is a poor mans Brendan Haywood, which is not the poor man you want on your team.  Hilton doesn’t rebound, block shots, score, or do just about anything well.  But, he is seven foot.  So, theres always a place for him on somebody’s team.  The Wiz also have a very intriguing prospect out of Rutgers, Hamady Ndiaye.  Ndiaye is another seven footer with athletic ability.  Very raw at this point but could prove to be vital off the bench during the season.

John Wall aside, what excites me most about this years squad is the surprising depth of such a young team.  They have talent, youth, and depth at every position on the court.

A few predictions for the season:

Kirk Hinrich will be the sixth man of the year.

Wiz win 45 games and make the playoffs.  I would go even higher, but John Wall will hit a rookie wall, no pun intended.

Hilton Armstrong is out of the league by the end of the season.

Earl Boykins will win us three games.

Gil will be an All-Star again.

JDub wins ROY.

Oh yea, I’m still collectin money for the broke soldier foundation, lol.

…im out, like Elton John, no homo…



Kevin GarNOTT…shout out to Skip Bayless

So yesterday, as I’m sitting and watching the game as the majority of sports fans were, I noticed that there was something different about the Celtics.  Something was missing.  Almost as if a 7 Ft, shot blocking, dark skinned defensive menace named Kevin Garnett was not on the court.  It looked as if the Celtics decided to make it fair for the Lakers and play four on five.  The once proud and intimidating KG  has turned into the invisible man.  As Ray rained threes in the first half and Rondo carried the team in the second, KG was a nonfactor.

This guy used to be my favorite player in the league.  He could handle the rock like a guard, shoot the three on occasion, and play lights out D.  KG was the man.

Pure and simple, he was special.  Now as I sit and watch him, I can’t even say I see a shell of his oldself.  Its more like the exoskeleton of a Cicada, laying motionless, lifeless, and ready to be carried away by the wind.  As I’m watching the game last night, I’m hoping for KG to foul out, just so I don’t have to watch the guy anymore.  Its hard to look at.  The guy refuses to dribble.  He refuses to make a move.  He refuses to dunk.  He refuses to score.  He shoots this loose booty 18 footer everytime he gets the rock.  The dude’s 7ft tall.  Dunk the darn ball.

Don’t get me wrong KG still has the fire, but he doesn’t have the game anymore.  He’s 34 now and it shows, every game, it shows.  From the 98-99 season til the 06-07 season, Garnett was a 20-10 ball player.  His numbers dipped  a bit his first year in Boston, expectedly so, as he was no longer THE guy.  They only dipped to 18 and 9 though.  Not terrible by a long shot.  However, last season they dipped to 15 and 8.  This season 14 and 7. During this years finals, how about 11 and 4!!

This is a guy who only recently fell below 20 ppg for his career.  This is a guy who in my opinion was the best player in the league for the early part of this century.  He’s now an 11 and 4 guy.  I’m sorry KG, but its over.  If you’re hurt please say so.  Because this is just embarrasing.  I can’t watch you anymore.  I’d rather see Sheed or Big Baby down the strecth.  You and Sheldon Williams alternate between who’s the worst big man in the series.  KG mind as well be playing for the Lakers.

KG isn’t even one of the top 15 players in the series anymore.  I’ve got him behind, Nate Robinson, Shannon Brown, Sheed, Big Baby, and Ron Artest.  KG is no longer an elite player, I get that.  But he’s not even a good player anymore.  And the numbers prove it.

Doc, don’t bench KG because he’s your emotional leader, got it.  But, please Doc, limit the guys minutes to under 20 a game.  Big Baby and Sheed are both giving you better minutes.  And for Lord’s sake, don’t play Rondo the whole 24 in the first half when you’ve got Nate on the bench.  Jeez, put the stud in the game and give Rondo a breather.  Doc’s lucky Rondo is such a physical freak and didn’t tire to bad down the stretch.

Personally, I still do not see the Celtics winning this thing.  The main reason is Kobe Bean Bryant.  Check it out.  Kobe had a rough game, couple poor foul calls, and he played without his normal aggression.  The Lakers bigs absolutely dominated the Celtics bigs.  Ray Allen will not drop more than 5 threes in anyother game this series, they shut that mess down second half.  Boston plays a man down anytime KG’s on the court.  Ron Artest has absolutely neutralized Paul Pierce.  Make that two men down.  Rondo’s not gonna hit open jumpers every night.  The Lakers are just better in everyway.  They’ve got the best player in the game and that doesn’t bode well for the Celtics.  Paul Pierce might be right, the series might not come back to LA, because the Lakers may win three straight in Boston.  It is called Bean Town right.  As in Kobe Bean Bryant.



Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs

Allow me to be the first to remove the foot from my mouth and pick my face off of the ground.  If my life depended on my NBA Playoff prognosticating ability, I would be one dead son of a gun.  Lots of big stories…

…The Magic, ohhh the Magic.  I really hope they aren’t teasing us.  I may have a new favorite player in Jameer Nelson.  That kid is a true fighter.  he just looks like a guy who’s come out on the right side of a few scraps in his life time.  With him as the leader of that soft Magic bunch, he may be just tough enough to get them another victory.  I don’t know about the Finals though.  Jameer is like that chocolate syrup that hardens when you pour it on ice cream.  He’s tough enough to carry his guys now but sooner or later someone’s gonna stick a spoon through him….

…The Suns, ohhh the Suns.  The emergence of the Suns frontcourt as a dominant force bodes extremely well for a team looking to make it to their first NBA Finals since 1993.  I like this series a lot.  Its Kobe and his disgust for the Lakers defensive effort, against what seems to be a ragtag bunch of speedy gunslingers with wildly different personalities.  Its a good dramatic series.  I still see the Lakers pulling it out because when it gets down to it, always bet with the superstar, especially if his name is Bean Bryant….

…Wade announces that he will discuss his future home with Joe Johnson and Lebron James before deciding what team to sign with.  This is a very good thing for the NBA.  Can anyone say 2010 Dream Team…

…Two thoughts from last nights Magic game.  The first, did you see that friggin knockout elbow from Dwight Howard???  At first it didn’t even look like he came down on Baby Davis that hard.  But once I saw Davis wobbling, falling into Joey Crawford’s arms, disoriented and unable to stand, I realized that this dude is in La La land.  Could you imagine if that Dwight cocked back and punched someone on purpose.  Jeez, it be lights out for the year.  You could wake me up in 2030 when the Orioles when the pennant….

…Second, whenever anybody(David Stern) says to me that the NBA is a clean league, as is not corrupted by gambling cheats, I point to instances like yesterday.  Kendrick Perkins gets booted out of the game, for no reason.  He did the right thing in everyway and still gets tossed.  Someone’s got money on that game.  Tossing Perkins out totally changes the make up of the Celtics.  Perkins is a guy that doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, he just works and plays defense, better and harder than any of the Celtics big men.  I smell something fishy.  Did Tim Donaghy make an appearance last night?…stay tuned to that one….

…Enough basketball.  Did anyone see Venus’s ASS all over the screen at the French Open.  This one’s great.  Not sure where I stand on it exactly.  I love booty, but its a little classless to have it hanging out a sporting event.

Apparently its the cool thing to do now for athletes to show off there junk on the internet.  Most recently Tampa Bay Rays baller Evan Longoria.  A few months backs Spurs guard George Hill.  Before that Dorrell Wright, Greg Oden, and even Grady Sizemore. Grady Sizemore is an awesome porno name if Grady wants a second career. Thats insane.  Holy crap guys, the only people who know who you are, are men, and we have junk of our own.  Stop posting pictures of your junk on the internet.  Atleast make a sex tape and get paid for it….

..Boobs…

…This post took a turn for the worse.  We got Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs.  Awesome work on my behalf.  I do it for you guys.  Gotta go to work.

…check please…



Its a landslide: Kobe vs Lebron
May 20, 2010, 10:35 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , ,

I don’t know who decided that the NBA Playoffs needs to span three months.  Do the Celtics really need until Saturday to do away with the Magic again?  Seriously David Stern, they play basketball.  It’s grueling, hard, tiring, injury proned, yea, yea, I got it…but so is hockey and those studs play every other night come playoff time.

BUT!

This entry isn’t about my beef with the NBA playoff system.  No this post is much more groundbreaking than that.  You see my beautiful people, I have been brainwashed.  I have been bathing in the koolaid.  The blindfold has finally been lifted and praise the Lord, now I can see again.  Its like when you go to the eye doctor and they start swapping out those lenses, “can you read line 6 now?”  “YES!!!!”  I can finally read those little letters at the bottom.  And you know what they spell out…

Damn, I can’t even type it yet.  This is going to take a lot to admit.

For those of you who know me, have read my past work, or have listened to me quip and boast about the greatness of Lebron Raymone James, you might want to take a seat.  Keep that defibulator handy and maybe even go ahead and get EMS on standbye.  Just a suggestion.

As of today, on the 20th day of May in the year of our Lord 2010, I hereby announce/admit that Kobe Bean Bryant is….

better than Lebron James.

Whew!  It feels so good to finally get that out.  I’ve been holding that one in for a while.  It’s like that fart when you first get out of church after holding it through half the New Testament.  What a relief.  Loyal readers, I tell you what.  I’ve been raging a one man uphill battle against the throngs of Kobe supporters for the last seven years and bygolly I’m through.  After this years playoffs, my sword has become dull, my throw away pistol is out of rounds, and quite frankly I’m feeling a lot like Lebron in game 5.  I’m just not that into to it.

Some of you will read this and go, well duh, of course Kobe is better.  He’s a 12 time All-Star, 10 time All-Defensive player, Slam Dunk Champ, two time scoring champ, and he scored 81 friggin points in a game.  But, most importantly, Kobe’s got the bling times four.  The bling times four puts Kobe in rare air.  If he gets one more in a few weeks, he’s one away from the Legend of His Airness, and I tell you what…we’ll be having a totally different discussion then, one that Lebron wouldn’t even be allowed to eavesdrop on rather be apart of.

Kobe Bryant is a friggin winner.  The guy may have cheated on his wife, he may have raped a maid, he may be gay, he may be the most arrogant son of a jackal in the game, but dude is a stone cold killer on the court.

This guy is a winner.

Did you see that glance he gave Gasol last night on the bench?  He gave Gasol the look that said, its the fourth quarter and it’s time to win.  And Kobe’s team responded as they do time and time again.  They are great, and will be in the finals for the third straight year.

Now, look guys.  Lebron, thats my boy.  We’re about the same age, graduated HS at the same time and I been watchin his games since ESPN started airing them when he was 8.  The guy was and is still a prodigy.  No one in the world is as gifted physically and athletically as Lebron James.  In a one on one match up with no money on the line, Lebron beats Kobe.  But put a lil somethin on the table and I’m telling you Kobe’s hunger, that drive, that killer inside of him will eat Lebron for dinner.  Thats what seperates the two.

Kobe is a superior shooter and arguably the better leader.  But, Lebron makes up for all that with talent, his natural physical and athletic gifts.  What puts Kobe over the top and far into the lead regarding this discussion is Kobe’s mentality.  Lebron’s personality is like Lamar Odom’s.  He cares sometimes and other times he’d rather be doing something else.  Kobe’s personality is like the one and only, His Airness, the inimitable, thou who’s name need not be mentioned.

If you’re still alive I applaud you.  I’m sorry Lebron, but I am no longer a witness.  I’ve watched you for so long.  You teased me when you showed me the fire against Detroit in 2007, but that was three years ago.  Lebron, me and your are done.  Its over.  You can keep the kids, just lemme get the house, and the Maybach.

Who do you all think is better?

…check please…



Approach Cautiously…Protein, Race, and Rules
May 18, 2010, 11:39 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So I’m in the gym the other day, doing the usual routine. A little cardio, a little chest, some curls for the girls, you know the fun stuff. And this guy walks up to me and he goes “wow you’re jacked, what are you taking?”   Now guys, girls, little green alien people, I, my friends am jacked like the Easter Bunny is scary…only to little kids and only one day a year.

So I tell the guy, I’m like really big on protein and stuff, like the guy on the plane in Get Smart. One of my favorite movie scenes ever BTW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRTjUHM6xfQ&feature=related

No really, I tell the guy that I’m not on anything and that I just work out every so often to stay in shape. The first thing this guy says to me is “oh its because your black.” At this point I’m floored. So I stammer out something like, “are you implying that my muscles are a result of my African-American heritage, and not the gym?  He goes, “well yea, thats what I’m saying. Black people are more naturally swole than white people. You guys are born with six packs and pecs.”

I’m pretty sure this kid is not Black.

So I walk away from this conversation a little bit introspective.  Of course, some people are born with the natural tendency to put on muscle instead of fat.  Some people are tall, some have high metabolism, and yes even some are born diesel.

But is it a race thing?  Even athletically speaking.  No white person has ever broken the 10 second mark in the 100 meter sprint.  What happened to all the white cornerbacks in the NFL?  Are white-Americans still allowed in the NBA?  JJ Redick is representing.

I almost couldn’t even argue with the guy.  The more I look around from pro sports, to my local gym, people of African descent have better physics and are more athletic.  Is that racist?

But boy does it change when you say, well when I look around at debate teams, politicians, professors, coaches, CEO’s, the nations wealthiest people lists…the faces are overwhelmingly white.  Does that mean that white people are smarter?  Is that genetic like athleticism?  Is it racist to say that Blacks are better athletes?  Is it racist to say that white people are better at everything else?

Everyone tells me I need to bury the hatchet on this whole race thing.  They tell me I’m too divisive. But when a white guy comes up to me and tells me that the reason I have an athletic build without extreme effort is because I’m Black, well I get down right offended.  So how can I bury the hatchet when I’m still fighting the same stereotypes that my people have been fighting since the very first Afro-Euro encounters.

To my white readers…scratch that.  To all my readers.  Follow the rules below and race relations in America will improve because of you.

1.  The Golden Rule of Race:  Think before you friggin talk.  Your mom has been telling you that since you were born.  If it sounds racist it probably is.

2.  Racist jokes are not funny, they’re racist.  Thats why they are called racist jokes.

3. If you’re in a group of three or more and one of the persons is the racial minority, do not take every opportunity you can to point it out.  For example: Two white guys and Black dude are hungry.  Don’t ask the Black guy if he wants to go to Popeyes.

4. Ask questions.  Seriously, it’s better than getting your head smashed in.  If you grew up in rural Kansas and you don’t know Michael Jackson from 50 cent, you might want to ask somebody.  Perfect example:  My man Jim when I was in Iraq asked me, why do you put the stocking on your head at night? Is it a fashion thing?  So I broke it down for him.  I explained the texture of Black hair.  I explained the complexities and intricacies of obtaining, grooming, and maintaining 360 waves.  Jim did it the right way and so should you.

5. Finally, use common sense people.  It really is just that simple.

I’m trying my darndest to improve race relations in America.  If Obama can get a Noble Prize, I should at least get like a ribbon or somethin, a little certificate of appreciation.  Baby steps people, baby steps.

Please, somebody tell me what you think.

…check please…



Lebronapalooza
May 18, 2010, 2:25 am
Filed under: Lifestyle | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Now that Lebron’s out of the playoffs, supposedly national attention has switched to the teams that are still actively pursuing the NBA championship…right? Ha! Unless you’ve been asleep atop Olympus Mons, you’ve probably heard all the ridiculous speculation as to where Lebron will end up next season. Allow me to be the first to say, who friggin cares?!?!?

Just kidding, because I am totally obsessed with it. I read every “insider report,” every tweet, and every doggone ESPN special report. If I could be a fly on Lebron’s wall I’d eat crap for a day. I mean, there has never been more anticipation, more speculation, more outrageous media coverage for any athlete’s free agency, ever. I’m pumped.

I don’t even want to speculate about what he’s going to do, because I truly feel that all the so called “insiders” and reporters have no idea what’s in Lebron’s heart. None of us do.

BUT!

Because I have a blog, and two loyal readers, I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t say a lil somethin, somethin for the people.

First off, Lebron’s not going to the Clippers. Thats just stupid. Second, Lebron’s not going to the Nets. He’s not spending two years in Newark before he gets to BK. That leaves us with Chicago, New York, Miami, Cleveland or DC. Yes, The Nations Capital, Chocolate City, The District of Crime, is a viable option for Lebron. Now because Bill Simmons is one of two ESPN writers I like, the other being Jayson Stark, I’ll dish the assist to him on this one.  This is from back in Febuary.

“Let me throw this scenario at you, and you give me odds,” Simmons said. “Washington somehow voids Arenas’s contract, they trade Butler, they trade Jamison. They have all this cap room all of the sudden. They lure LeBron.

They traded Butler, they traded Jamison….only one more move to make. 

Sadly, I don’t see it happening.  Honestly, Lebron strikes me as a loyal dude and is probably gonna stay in Cleveland.  Also, with the way in which the media has evolved in the last ten years, the global connectivity, widespread access to information and easy access to consumer products, market size is becoming more and more irrelevant. 

If I were him I’d buy a penthouse in Hoboken and play for the Knicks.  But thats just me.

Gotta admit, the look fits him.

…check please…