Diary of a misEducated Black Man

Gary Coleman Dead, Lakers Win, and Strippers

The Lakers finally put the pesky Suns away last night.  Gary Coleman passed away today.  Oh and did anybody hear, there is a pretty big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  More big stories…

…Gotta start with Gary Coleman.  Talk about a guy who got the short end of the straw, no pun intended.  Dead at 42, its a sad day for fans of the child actor.  It seems he was never really able to get on top of things after Diff’rent Strokes.  So, one last time I’mma ask, “What’choo talkin’ bout Willis?”  May he RIP…

..In better news, the Lakers put away the Suns last night.  Gotta be honest I didn’t watch the game, I was uh, lets say preoccupied.  Me and one of my buddies were looking for a little trouble to get into last night, so naturally I called up one of my privates to get a little guidance.  If you want to get in trouble, call a private.  They ought to have a national get in trouble hotline.  He recommended a gentleman’s club called Dreams and I gotta hand it to the kid, I was not disappointed.  El Paso has talent.  Its official…

…Speaking of strip clubs my buddy Palmeiri’s got a great theory on the type of people that frequent them.

You’ve got three types of people that go to strip clubs.  You’ve got the party guy.  The party guy goes to the strip club with a curly blonde wig, a fake gold chain, and he looks like a character out of Grand Theft Auto.  He’s just there to have fun with his other wild buddies. The girls are secondary to him.

You’ve got the regular beer drinking Joe.  This guy goes to the strip club to get drunk with girls that are paid to love him.  He likes the occasional lap dance.  He tips well.  He loves BYOB strip clubs and is usually seen sharing a 30 pack with a few buddies.  Its a great thing.  Most of you all probably fit into this category.

And lastly, you’ve got the creep.  This dude is easily identifiable because he’s alone, he doesn’t tip, and he’d rather look without touching.  He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smile, and he looks as if he’s taking mental notes on the girls behavioral patterns the whole times he’s there.  Might want to avoid this guy.

…in other news, I refuse to get involved in this Oil disaster nonsense.  This story is huge and the blame game is out of control.  Yesterday the heads started to roll, with the firing of Elizabeth Birnbaum, the head of the Mineral Management Service, the office of the Interior Department responsible for overseeing oil and gas development.  Someone has gotta go, that’s the name of the game…

…isn’t it crazy how words become a part of our vocabulary so quickly because of the media.  Remember the hanging chad.  Now the word is Top Kill.  This process of sealing the oil well leak is now a part of our everyday vernacular.  I find this phenomenon fascinating….

…last but not least, Alicia Keys is pregnant with Swizz Beats baby. Apparently they’re engaged as well. Swizz Beats is one skinny mofo. I’m interested to see how Alicia handles being a stepmom to Swizzy’s other children. Also how does she deal with Swizzy’s ex?

All in all, its a sad day for brothers everywhere, we’re gonna miss you Alicia. I guess it’s time to get over that 9th grade fantasy huh…

So, todays an off day for me.   The best part about the Army is the four day weekend  every month.  And the month of leave every year.   And the half day schedule for most of the month of December.  So, since I’m off, I’m gonna crack open this brew, sit and stew, and politic a bit til the weekends through.   Lata.

…check please…


While you were off…this weekends best stories

Its Monday, which means its that time again.  Back to work, and back to blogging.  If you were sleep, on Mars, or busy tying fair damsels to train tracks in the deserts of New Austin playing Red Dead Redemption like me, here’s what you missed.

….Lost is finally over.  After six seasons the underwhelming series finale was last night.  My initial thoughts, meh.  Just ok. I guess it had to be kind of sappy but jeez it was like watching the Notebook for the first time.  Plus the darn thing had over 45 minutes of commericals. It was down right ridiculous. All in all its nice to see an era come to an end and it was awesome seeing Sawyer and Juliet reunite over an Apollo bar. Touching…..

….The Lakers lost. The Suns showed up in a big way. I had to flip back and forth all night between the game and Lost so it was hard to get into it, but I tell you what though guys. The Suns are a different team at home. And with Bynum only dropping two points and playing seven minutes a game, the Lakers length is not nearly as much of an advantage. The biggest difference to me was, Robin Lopez. He brings grit to that soft serve team. And it doesn’t hurt when your best player drops 42 points and plays out of his mind….

The Cavs fired Mike Brown. This means one of two things; either Bron is staying because this is what he wanted, or Bron is definitely leaving because Mike was his boy.  Either way, what does this change?  It could be a significant move come July, when Lebron says, yea I was gonna stay, then they fired my boy who led us to 272 wins in 5 seasons.  How many teams would kill for that type of production and consistency?

…The Blackhawks win, they’ll be playing for the Stanley Cup against either Philly or Montreal.  What city are the Blackhawks from again?  What sport is this?….

Apparently Ashton Kutcher is on fire

…Shrek was number one at the box office.  I stopped watching after Shrek 2.  Are these movies any good anymore?  Apparently America thinks so.  My buddy Jones, sends me a text from the theater in Columbia, SC telling me that these darn kids are making too much noise in the theater.  Of course my response is, well thats what you get for going to see Shrek the weekend it opens on a Saturday afternoon buddy….

….216 people reached the summit of everest this weekend.  I though climbing everest was rare.  These guys were having a friggin frat party atop the world’s highest peak. BTW climbing Everest is not a poor mans accomplishment, did you know it cost close to 100K to do it….

…Brittany Murphy’s husband is dead. HOLLYWOOD, STOP DOING DRUGS….

…The Redskins still may trade Haynesworth. Bad idea. This guy is a monster. Find a way to motivate this guy, tell him to play end and not nose tackle and put his fat ass on the field. If the Redskins trade him, they lose, not him….

…Also, T.O. is a homosexual dirt bag. But the Redskins should sign him. I guarantee he’s catching over 80 balls and putting up over 1,000 yards receiving with us. There isn’t a better conditioned athlete in the league and the guy can flat out play. He’s just a douchebag.  Do you want to win or not Dan Snyder?…

Sadly, blogging isn’t my full time job. Gotta go to work.

What did I miss? Any other big stories out there?

…check please…

Red Dead Redemption…see ya Monday

So yesterday, I’m at this MANDATORY company picnic bored out of my mind.  Its the Army so of course we’re standing in 100 degree Southwest heat having accountability formations to ensure everyones present.  All of my guys in my squad showed up which was a good thing for me, no paperwork for me to do.  Can you imagine it.  PVT SoandSo, I’m writing you up because you failed to spend your Friday afternoon eating hamburgers and hotdogs with your supervisors.  Only in the Army could this work.

The worst part about this whole thing was really all this picnic did was hold me back from doing what I have been and will be continuing to do all weekend, playing Red Dead Redemption.  Every so often a game comes along that I actually purchase at regular price, which says a lot.  I’m a half.com fiend and will generally wait to buy  games.  But this one was a little different.  This game is everything its hyped up to be and I’ll end up playing it until I rub the fingerprints off of my thumbs.  Red Dead Redemption is the ish.  What an awesome game.  It’s beautiful, masterful, full of life, fully immersible, funny, political, wild, action packed, side tracking, time consuming, and unbelievably amazing.  So, there you have it, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be on XBOX live.  My gamertag is CalsGonnaWin.

Sorry loyal readers, I’m checking out til Monday, have a fantastic weekend.  Watch a lot of sports, spend time with your family, and spread lots of love…using protection of course.

…check please…