Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: Airborne, army, ass, cerasport, football, Lebron, ranger, Rap, School, Tiger Woods
So Jump School is not nearly as exciting as it seems. In fact much like most Army schools that sound cool, the Army has the innate ability to make them suck. Throw in a heaping scoop of that Southern Georgia heat and humidity and this is downright torturous. Lots of standing around and waiting. Lots of harnesses digging into my crotch. Lots of rearranging “downstairs”. Gallons of sweat. Lots of disgusting CeraSport.
This crap is taste like chalk, mixed with rice flour, mixed with, sand from Iraq. Smells great though. You mix a packet into your canteen and its supposed to hydrate you, if it doesn’t kill you first.
I do have some bad news to report. I have never failed in my life as much as I have in the Army. When it comes to PT, I’m in shape so I excel. I’m mentally pretty sharp, so I do good in Army academic style training, but every once in a while something comes my way that I just can’t conquer.
At Airborne school, its called the Swing Landing Trainer. This 12ft nutcrusher is hell. Literally, the Devil came down to Georgia and perched atop this apparatus.
They are about to push that poor soul off that tower and I’m sure you can imagine what happens next. The idea seems simple, you fall off, you swing, you land gracefully. However, when you’re 6’2 and dense as the earths core, you just kinda fall like a sack of bricks. Not pretty.
So I failed this thing, the first time.
But, a day later I conquered my nemisis. However, I was a day late and a dollar short, and my reward was a whole extra week of Airborne training. YAY!! Not. Its hot as hell down here. Somebody pray for me.
Other than that life’s swell. I here Tiger Woods is sucking pretty bad these days. And… that is literally the extent of real world news that I have received the last two weeks. So yea. Can’t wait to get back to civilization. Somebody send me some emails and tell me whats going on in the world.
Oh, one last random thing. Came across this on the internet today. Normally I’m not a fan of bootleg rap videos, but something about this song made me listen a few times. Its just so damn catchy!
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: billiards, dad, dominoes, father, fathers day, fifa, football, gifts, gulf of mexico, Kobe Bryant, Koman Coulibaly, Landon Donavon, Michael Jordan, Oil Spill, pops, robbed, snubbed, soccer, Stephen Strasburg, Tiger Woods, Tim Howard, US Soccer, world cup
First off, Happy Father’s Day to all the Pops out there, young, old, and in between. Today is a celebration of manhood. The bond between a man and his seed. A day where we thank our Pops for taking us to the ballpark, teaching us how to mack the ladies, shoot pool, and play bones. At least thats what mines did.
I gotta hand it to my Pops though, out of all the things he did wrong, he did one thing all too right. When you have six babies by four different women the biggest challenge you face is juggling baby momma drama, finances, and being a father to all six of them. My Pops had his flaws, no doubt. There were large chunks of my childhood when I barely saw the guy. However, from birth, my Pops made sure my siblings and I all knew each other. We lived miles and miles apart, but on the weekends we’d all get together. We’d shoot ball, we’d bowl, we’d go to the movies, or we’d watch Pop sleep on the couch watching Sportscenter over and over again. No matter what though, we knew each other, and for being so far apart with different mothers, we all knew each other well.
That was important to my Pops, and of all the things he failed at, he succeeded at the most important thing. Because after he’s dead and gone, his legacy will be us. And we can all share in uplifting it together because of the one thing he did right by us. Nowadays we’re pretty much all grown. The last two are bringing up the rear at 17. And we are all tight, leaning toward success, and blessed to have each other. Thats the legacy of my Pops. And I thank him for that. Happy Father’s Day dad.
On to the next…
I’m done being sappy and back to being my regular pissed off, ranting and raving self. I want to smack the Black off of Malian referee Koman Coulibaly, for being a totally inept, incompetent, and hopefully infertile, pile of flung monkey dung, referee. This guy robbed us with no mask, no glock, and didn’t even have the courtesy to put gum on the cameras so the world couldn’t see the travesty. I’m pissed. I’m heated. I’m upset. But mostly, I’m motivated.
Because to me its all too obvious. The world is hating. If you look at the roster of the current US National Team, we’ve got seven players that play for clubs in the English Premier League, one that plays for AC Milan, two playing on top clubs in Germany, one on the Glasgow Rangers, one in the Spanish Premier Division, and six others playing ball at a high level outside of the US. In fact there are only three players on the national team currently playing in the MLS, widely considered the minor leagues of pro football. Landon Donovan is currently with the LA Galaxy of the MLS, but was most recently on loan to Everton of the EPL.
In 2006, there were 12 players that were based overseas and 11 from MLS clubs. Of the 12 based overseas, 8 of them had played in the MLS at one point in their careers. From 11 MLS players to 3. This trend indicates to me that US players are starting to get on par with the rest of the world. The quality US players are now able to compete in the top leagues in the world. Tim Howard is easily, top five goalkeepers in the world. He just happens to be American.
To me its obvious that the world is having difficulty accepting the US as a football power. Its a game thats not indigenous to us. We are not the inventors, only a small percentage of our population cares about the sport, and they used to be able to say that US players were all minor leaguers. But now, we’ve stuck out our chest and are right there with the big boys. And the world doesn’t like it. Koman Coulibaly doesn’t like it, and he let it be known. But you can’t keep a good Yank down.
..Just a few quick bits…
…I’m happy to see Tiger back. He looked amazing yesterday. Best back 9 of his career possibly. Amazing shot on 18. Right there in the thick of it…
…I was soooo wrong about the Celtics/Lakers. What irritates me most is now I have to hear the Kobe/MJ discussion. Nothing frustrates me more. He’s good, not MJ…legendary…
…theres a huge oile spill in the gulf, you heard about that? No really, google’s got a great feature to track it…
…I’m out like a batter facing Stephen Strasburg…
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: american, Barack Obama, celtics, drunk, DUI, fifa, football, futbol, Germany, Italy, Klose, Lakers, nba, nba finals, soccer, Vuvuzelas Martin Tyler Mexico, world cup
I’ve been told that I’ve been treating my blog like a baby locked in a car for three hours in triple digit heat while mama goes to get her hair did. So with that in mind, I’m here to roll the windows down just a bit for my poor blog. Not funny I know, because people actually DO leave their kids in the car all the time. Like here during a domestic dispute, and here while the parents smoked meth, and here while the babysitter got a facial, and here while the parents hit up the casino, and even here while mom got her drank on at a local watering hole.
But! This is not a PSA, calling for better parenting, but, then again maybe it should be. As usual it is a random rant of ridiculous Rabelaisian rubbish, radicated in rooster recrement. Not sure that makes sense, but alliteration is fun. On to the goods…amazing week in sports!
The World Cup has finally begun. Can somebody please inform the American populace. No seriously, somebody let them know. The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers AKA Comrade Obama needs to implement federal legislation, mandating that people tune into at least one game. You have to think, our bredren from the land of fish and chips, have found futbol to be so great that, as that stupid Hyundai commercial keeps reminding me, people name their children after entire national teams!
So, the goods so far. Very few goals. A huge gaffe by England keeper Robert Greene. Four goals by Germany. Argentina looks potentially very scary. Group G looks absolutely disgustingly difficult, with Brazil barely eeking out a win versus lowly N. Korea. With the Ronaldo led Portuguese team and an Ivory Coast team thats dangerous as anybody in the tourney, this years Cup is shaping up to be legendary.
How bout that German team? Jeez, a bunch of young bucks and two wiley vets have been the scariest team in the tournament. They created opportunity after opportunity against the Socceroos. I was highly impressed with them and speechless in regards to the Aussies poor performance. My hat goes off to Miroslav Klose, who always seems to show up when wearing that Deutschland uniform. Where was he during the club season? I bet Bayern Munich fans are thinking the same thing.
But what about the damn ball? If Mike Tirico brings up that gosh darn ball one mo gin… Look, they complain about the ball every year. It sucks, got it. Now play. Gotta say though, there was not a better moment than seeing the Red Coat Rob Greene crawling trying to keep that Clint Dempsey effort out of goal. Awesome stuff.
This is a very low scoring tournament which I know is really turning off the casual fan, which is a nightmare for ESPN. Too bad that the only casual fans live in the US. Everyone else in the world is going bananas. Trust I know. I live in El Paso, Texico. The bars opened up at 6am. People were getting DUIs before noon. I drove past the border and saw ten guys in the back of a pickup waving AKs and Mexican flags. Its beyond bananas.
I’m in heaven. Its like that dream I had when Hershey Park was actually made of Hershey’s. I was very disappointed when I actually went there. Heartbroken even. So, I’ve decided that since I’d literally have to smack a Colonel in his face to get fired from the Army, that I’d just not go to work for a while and watch the Cup. I mean hey, I’m a friggin Veteran, I deserve to watch the darn Cup. BTW, if you ever wondered what warfighters do when they’re not at war, NOTHING! So I’m watching the doggone World Cup!
Biggest observation of the WC thus far, is sadly these ridiculous vuvuzela things. Ugh, I have never been more annoyed with any sound in the world. Sorry Dumb and Dumber, move over. Jeez its like living in hornets nest. I have to mute the darn TV, which really bothers me because half the fun of watching soccer is Martin Tyler’s amazing commentating. He has a way of saying really mean things that come across like compliments. Must be the accent.
So now that I’ve lost my entire American readership, lets talk about a ball you all know all to well. The Celtics are going to win tonight and thats that. I’m out. Want some analysis, go watch the worldwide leader!
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: ashton kutcher, Basketball, blackhawks, brittany murphy, celtics, dan synder, everest, flyers, football, games, haynesworth, Lakers, lost, montreal, movies, nba, news, nfl, nhl, red dead redemption, redskins, series finale, shrek, Sports, stanley cup, suns, terrel owens, the notebook, weekend
Its Monday, which means its that time again. Back to work, and back to blogging. If you were sleep, on Mars, or busy tying fair damsels to train tracks in the deserts of New Austin playing Red Dead Redemption like me, here’s what you missed.
….Lost is finally over. After six seasons the underwhelming series finale was last night. My initial thoughts, meh. Just ok. I guess it had to be kind of sappy but jeez it was like watching the Notebook for the first time. Plus the darn thing had over 45 minutes of commericals. It was down right ridiculous. All in all its nice to see an era come to an end and it was awesome seeing Sawyer and Juliet reunite over an Apollo bar. Touching…..
….The Lakers lost. The Suns showed up in a big way. I had to flip back and forth all night between the game and Lost so it was hard to get into it, but I tell you what though guys. The Suns are a different team at home. And with Bynum only dropping two points and playing seven minutes a game, the Lakers length is not nearly as much of an advantage. The biggest difference to me was, Robin Lopez. He brings grit to that soft serve team. And it doesn’t hurt when your best player drops 42 points and plays out of his mind….
…The Cavs fired Mike Brown. This means one of two things; either Bron is staying because this is what he wanted, or Bron is definitely leaving because Mike was his boy. Either way, what does this change? It could be a significant move come July, when Lebron says, yea I was gonna stay, then they fired my boy who led us to 272 wins in 5 seasons. How many teams would kill for that type of production and consistency?
…The Blackhawks win, they’ll be playing for the Stanley Cup against either Philly or Montreal. What city are the Blackhawks from again? What sport is this?….
…Shrek was number one at the box office. I stopped watching after Shrek 2. Are these movies any good anymore? Apparently America thinks so. My buddy Jones, sends me a text from the theater in Columbia, SC telling me that these darn kids are making too much noise in the theater. Of course my response is, well thats what you get for going to see Shrek the weekend it opens on a Saturday afternoon buddy….
….216 people reached the summit of everest this weekend. I though climbing everest was rare. These guys were having a friggin frat party atop the world’s highest peak. BTW climbing Everest is not a poor mans accomplishment, did you know it cost close to 100K to do it….
…Brittany Murphy’s husband is dead. HOLLYWOOD, STOP DOING DRUGS….
…The Redskins still may trade Haynesworth. Bad idea. This guy is a monster. Find a way to motivate this guy, tell him to play end and not nose tackle and put his fat ass on the field. If the Redskins trade him, they lose, not him….
…Also, T.O. is a homosexual dirt bag. But the Redskins should sign him. I guarantee he’s catching over 80 balls and putting up over 1,000 yards receiving with us. There isn’t a better conditioned athlete in the league and the guy can flat out play. He’s just a douchebag. Do you want to win or not Dan Snyder?…
Sadly, blogging isn’t my full time job. Gotta go to work.
What did I miss? Any other big stories out there?