Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: Airborne, army, ass, cerasport, football, Lebron, ranger, Rap, School, Tiger Woods
So Jump School is not nearly as exciting as it seems. In fact much like most Army schools that sound cool, the Army has the innate ability to make them suck. Throw in a heaping scoop of that Southern Georgia heat and humidity and this is downright torturous. Lots of standing around and waiting. Lots of harnesses digging into my crotch. Lots of rearranging “downstairs”. Gallons of sweat. Lots of disgusting CeraSport.
This crap is taste like chalk, mixed with rice flour, mixed with, sand from Iraq. Smells great though. You mix a packet into your canteen and its supposed to hydrate you, if it doesn’t kill you first.
I do have some bad news to report. I have never failed in my life as much as I have in the Army. When it comes to PT, I’m in shape so I excel. I’m mentally pretty sharp, so I do good in Army academic style training, but every once in a while something comes my way that I just can’t conquer.
At Airborne school, its called the Swing Landing Trainer. This 12ft nutcrusher is hell. Literally, the Devil came down to Georgia and perched atop this apparatus.
They are about to push that poor soul off that tower and I’m sure you can imagine what happens next. The idea seems simple, you fall off, you swing, you land gracefully. However, when you’re 6’2 and dense as the earths core, you just kinda fall like a sack of bricks. Not pretty.
So I failed this thing, the first time.
But, a day later I conquered my nemisis. However, I was a day late and a dollar short, and my reward was a whole extra week of Airborne training. YAY!! Not. Its hot as hell down here. Somebody pray for me.
Other than that life’s swell. I here Tiger Woods is sucking pretty bad these days. And… that is literally the extent of real world news that I have received the last two weeks. So yea. Can’t wait to get back to civilization. Somebody send me some emails and tell me whats going on in the world.
Oh, one last random thing. Came across this on the internet today. Normally I’m not a fan of bootleg rap videos, but something about this song made me listen a few times. Its just so damn catchy!
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race | Tags: Airborne, airplane, army, ass, dc, georgia, Sports
Today, I’m hopping on a plane to Ft. Benning, GA. Jump School starts Monday and I can’t wait. So, the blog will probably be on hold for about three weeks, but I’ll update it when I can. DC Sports fans I’m sorry. But I must leave you in the hands of the Washington Post and the Worldwide Leader. I hope they take care of you. If not I shall be back for vengeance.
Anyway, everybody take care, and do something great for somebody else.’
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: army, Black, debate, gay, obama, ortiz, politics, Race, Sports, steinbrenner
So, I just got back from this ridiculous professional development course the Army requires us to take called, Warrior Leaders Course. Its real hooah, hooah, focuses on marching around, singing cadences and by the book leadership. All the boring stuff.
As a result of this, I miss the World Cup, apparently Big Papi’s alive, George Steinbrenner’s dead, and bygolly they’re building a mosque at Ground Zero. Jeez. I’m going to Airborne school next Friday and I bet by time I get back, there will be a guy name Hussein in the White House. Aww I know, bad joke, predictable huh. Funny thing is, there are actually two Hussein’s there.
So today I’m back at the office, on the normal daily grind, consisting of ducking officers and high ranking sergeants so no one realizes that I don’t have a job. I tell you what, pretending to be busy is absolutely more exhausting than actually doing work. I’m up in down the stairs like hookers in and out of a Motel 6. Its the constant drag.
Myself and one of my buddies get into an argument, more of a gentlemans debate, regarding Obama’s Army and the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell crap.
Before today, I felt as though, hey the policy works, its not broke why mess with it? But then my buddy informs me of the fine print. He says, the issue that people are having is with the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell part.
Thats the banner issue that the tree huggers are clinging to. So fine, get rid of it. But that still doesn’t allow for openly gay, flamboyant behavior or gay sexual practices in the military. You still have to have military bearing. You still must adhere to military standards. There will be no public displays of affection whether gay or straight. You must talk clear and thunderously. You must have command presence. These things are universal and are in the doctrine. They do not discriminate based on race, gender, or sexual orientation.
All members of the service must abide by the standard, and its generally a straight male standard. And sodomy or homosexual sexual relations is still punishable by UCMJ. As in you will be kicked out of the army if, you have gay sex.
Wow, so what changes really? If they change the law, I can now ask you if you’re gay, so if I want to kick you out, I’ve just got to overhear you talking about sex. All it takes is one soldier to be offended by something a gay guy says or does and the gay dude’s gone.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, actually protected homosexuals because then, there was no proof. A gay guy could talk with his buddies about really slammin it home lastnight and waking the neighbors up and all that. We would simply assume he’s talking about a woman. No one would be offended. But now that he’s openly gay, it becomes not only illegal and possibly offensive, but punishable by court martial. Always a loop hole eh. The Army’s still the Good Ol’ Boys Club.
So in other news, I and some pals have started a foundation called the Broke Soldiers Foundation. Because the Army pays us so poorly, sometimes doesn’t pay us at all, is quick to take money out of our checks, but slow to put money in when they owe us, we’ve decided to take up a fund. 1 dollar goes a long way towards freedom. Plus, I need a beer to deal with this crap everyday. Thx.
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: army, dreams, games, gary coleman, gulf of mexico, hanging chad, holidays, Lakers, nba, oil, Sports, strip club, suns, top kill, vacation
The Lakers finally put the pesky Suns away last night. Gary Coleman passed away today. Oh and did anybody hear, there is a pretty big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. More big stories…
…Gotta start with Gary Coleman. Talk about a guy who got the short end of the straw, no pun intended. Dead at 42, its a sad day for fans of the child actor. It seems he was never really able to get on top of things after Diff’rent Strokes. So, one last time I’mma ask, “What’choo talkin’ bout Willis?” May he RIP…
..In better news, the Lakers put away the Suns last night. Gotta be honest I didn’t watch the game, I was uh, lets say preoccupied. Me and one of my buddies were looking for a little trouble to get into last night, so naturally I called up one of my privates to get a little guidance. If you want to get in trouble, call a private. They ought to have a national get in trouble hotline. He recommended a gentleman’s club called Dreams and I gotta hand it to the kid, I was not disappointed. El Paso has talent. Its official…
…Speaking of strip clubs my buddy Palmeiri’s got a great theory on the type of people that frequent them.
You’ve got three types of people that go to strip clubs. You’ve got the party guy. The party guy goes to the strip club with a curly blonde wig, a fake gold chain, and he looks like a character out of Grand Theft Auto. He’s just there to have fun with his other wild buddies. The girls are secondary to him.
You’ve got the regular beer drinking Joe. This guy goes to the strip club to get drunk with girls that are paid to love him. He likes the occasional lap dance. He tips well. He loves BYOB strip clubs and is usually seen sharing a 30 pack with a few buddies. Its a great thing. Most of you all probably fit into this category.
And lastly, you’ve got the creep. This dude is easily identifiable because he’s alone, he doesn’t tip, and he’d rather look without touching. He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smile, and he looks as if he’s taking mental notes on the girls behavioral patterns the whole times he’s there. Might want to avoid this guy.
…in other news, I refuse to get involved in this Oil disaster nonsense. This story is huge and the blame game is out of control. Yesterday the heads started to roll, with the firing of Elizabeth Birnbaum, the head of the Mineral Management Service, the office of the Interior Department responsible for overseeing oil and gas development. Someone has gotta go, that’s the name of the game…
…isn’t it crazy how words become a part of our vocabulary so quickly because of the media. Remember the hanging chad. Now the word is Top Kill. This process of sealing the oil well leak is now a part of our everyday vernacular. I find this phenomenon fascinating….
…last but not least, Alicia Keys is pregnant with Swizz Beats baby. Apparently they’re engaged as well. Swizz Beats is one skinny mofo. I’m interested to see how Alicia handles being a stepmom to Swizzy’s other children. Also how does she deal with Swizzy’s ex?
All in all, its a sad day for brothers everywhere, we’re gonna miss you Alicia. I guess it’s time to get over that 9th grade fantasy huh…
So, todays an off day for me. The best part about the Army is the four day weekend every month. And the month of leave every year. And the half day schedule for most of the month of December. So, since I’m off, I’m gonna crack open this brew, sit and stew, and politic a bit til the weekends through. Lata.
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: army, cookout, games, half.com, hamburgers, hotdogs, marines, picnic, PS3, PSP, red dead redemption, xbox
So yesterday, I’m at this MANDATORY company picnic bored out of my mind. Its the Army so of course we’re standing in 100 degree Southwest heat having accountability formations to ensure everyones present. All of my guys in my squad showed up which was a good thing for me, no paperwork for me to do. Can you imagine it. PVT SoandSo, I’m writing you up because you failed to spend your Friday afternoon eating hamburgers and hotdogs with your supervisors. Only in the Army could this work.
The worst part about this whole thing was really all this picnic did was hold me back from doing what I have been and will be continuing to do all weekend, playing Red Dead Redemption. Every so often a game comes along that I actually purchase at regular price, which says a lot. I’m a half.com fiend and will generally wait to buy games. But this one was a little different. This game is everything its hyped up to be and I’ll end up playing it until I rub the fingerprints off of my thumbs. Red Dead Redemption is the ish. What an awesome game. It’s beautiful, masterful, full of life, fully immersible, funny, political, wild, action packed, side tracking, time consuming, and unbelievably amazing. So, there you have it, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be on XBOX live. My gamertag is CalsGonnaWin.
Sorry loyal readers, I’m checking out til Monday, have a fantastic weekend. Watch a lot of sports, spend time with your family, and spread lots of love…using protection of course.