Diary of a misEducated Black Man

Write the Future
May 25, 2010, 1:19 am
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Absolutely amazing Nike spot.  Unbelievable!

Cristiano Ronaldo is an absolute man beast.  One day we silly Americans will get into Association futbol.  Just not today.

Does this ad help?

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While you were off…this weekends best stories

Its Monday, which means its that time again.  Back to work, and back to blogging.  If you were sleep, on Mars, or busy tying fair damsels to train tracks in the deserts of New Austin playing Red Dead Redemption like me, here’s what you missed.

….Lost is finally over.  After six seasons the underwhelming series finale was last night.  My initial thoughts, meh.  Just ok. I guess it had to be kind of sappy but jeez it was like watching the Notebook for the first time.  Plus the darn thing had over 45 minutes of commericals. It was down right ridiculous. All in all its nice to see an era come to an end and it was awesome seeing Sawyer and Juliet reunite over an Apollo bar. Touching…..

….The Lakers lost. The Suns showed up in a big way. I had to flip back and forth all night between the game and Lost so it was hard to get into it, but I tell you what though guys. The Suns are a different team at home. And with Bynum only dropping two points and playing seven minutes a game, the Lakers length is not nearly as much of an advantage. The biggest difference to me was, Robin Lopez. He brings grit to that soft serve team. And it doesn’t hurt when your best player drops 42 points and plays out of his mind….

The Cavs fired Mike Brown. This means one of two things; either Bron is staying because this is what he wanted, or Bron is definitely leaving because Mike was his boy.  Either way, what does this change?  It could be a significant move come July, when Lebron says, yea I was gonna stay, then they fired my boy who led us to 272 wins in 5 seasons.  How many teams would kill for that type of production and consistency?

…The Blackhawks win, they’ll be playing for the Stanley Cup against either Philly or Montreal.  What city are the Blackhawks from again?  What sport is this?….

Apparently Ashton Kutcher is on fire

…Shrek was number one at the box office.  I stopped watching after Shrek 2.  Are these movies any good anymore?  Apparently America thinks so.  My buddy Jones, sends me a text from the theater in Columbia, SC telling me that these darn kids are making too much noise in the theater.  Of course my response is, well thats what you get for going to see Shrek the weekend it opens on a Saturday afternoon buddy….

….216 people reached the summit of everest this weekend.  I though climbing everest was rare.  These guys were having a friggin frat party atop the world’s highest peak. BTW climbing Everest is not a poor mans accomplishment, did you know it cost close to 100K to do it….

…Brittany Murphy’s husband is dead. HOLLYWOOD, STOP DOING DRUGS….

…The Redskins still may trade Haynesworth. Bad idea. This guy is a monster. Find a way to motivate this guy, tell him to play end and not nose tackle and put his fat ass on the field. If the Redskins trade him, they lose, not him….

…Also, T.O. is a homosexual dirt bag. But the Redskins should sign him. I guarantee he’s catching over 80 balls and putting up over 1,000 yards receiving with us. There isn’t a better conditioned athlete in the league and the guy can flat out play. He’s just a douchebag.  Do you want to win or not Dan Snyder?…

Sadly, blogging isn’t my full time job. Gotta go to work.

What did I miss? Any other big stories out there?

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Red Dead Redemption…see ya Monday

So yesterday, I’m at this MANDATORY company picnic bored out of my mind.  Its the Army so of course we’re standing in 100 degree Southwest heat having accountability formations to ensure everyones present.  All of my guys in my squad showed up which was a good thing for me, no paperwork for me to do.  Can you imagine it.  PVT SoandSo, I’m writing you up because you failed to spend your Friday afternoon eating hamburgers and hotdogs with your supervisors.  Only in the Army could this work.

The worst part about this whole thing was really all this picnic did was hold me back from doing what I have been and will be continuing to do all weekend, playing Red Dead Redemption.  Every so often a game comes along that I actually purchase at regular price, which says a lot.  I’m a half.com fiend and will generally wait to buy  games.  But this one was a little different.  This game is everything its hyped up to be and I’ll end up playing it until I rub the fingerprints off of my thumbs.  Red Dead Redemption is the ish.  What an awesome game.  It’s beautiful, masterful, full of life, fully immersible, funny, political, wild, action packed, side tracking, time consuming, and unbelievably amazing.  So, there you have it, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be on XBOX live.  My gamertag is CalsGonnaWin.

Sorry loyal readers, I’m checking out til Monday, have a fantastic weekend.  Watch a lot of sports, spend time with your family, and spread lots of love…using protection of course.

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Its a landslide: Kobe vs Lebron
May 20, 2010, 10:35 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , ,

I don’t know who decided that the NBA Playoffs needs to span three months.  Do the Celtics really need until Saturday to do away with the Magic again?  Seriously David Stern, they play basketball.  It’s grueling, hard, tiring, injury proned, yea, yea, I got it…but so is hockey and those studs play every other night come playoff time.


This entry isn’t about my beef with the NBA playoff system.  No this post is much more groundbreaking than that.  You see my beautiful people, I have been brainwashed.  I have been bathing in the koolaid.  The blindfold has finally been lifted and praise the Lord, now I can see again.  Its like when you go to the eye doctor and they start swapping out those lenses, “can you read line 6 now?”  “YES!!!!”  I can finally read those little letters at the bottom.  And you know what they spell out…

Damn, I can’t even type it yet.  This is going to take a lot to admit.

For those of you who know me, have read my past work, or have listened to me quip and boast about the greatness of Lebron Raymone James, you might want to take a seat.  Keep that defibulator handy and maybe even go ahead and get EMS on standbye.  Just a suggestion.

As of today, on the 20th day of May in the year of our Lord 2010, I hereby announce/admit that Kobe Bean Bryant is….

better than Lebron James.

Whew!  It feels so good to finally get that out.  I’ve been holding that one in for a while.  It’s like that fart when you first get out of church after holding it through half the New Testament.  What a relief.  Loyal readers, I tell you what.  I’ve been raging a one man uphill battle against the throngs of Kobe supporters for the last seven years and bygolly I’m through.  After this years playoffs, my sword has become dull, my throw away pistol is out of rounds, and quite frankly I’m feeling a lot like Lebron in game 5.  I’m just not that into to it.

Some of you will read this and go, well duh, of course Kobe is better.  He’s a 12 time All-Star, 10 time All-Defensive player, Slam Dunk Champ, two time scoring champ, and he scored 81 friggin points in a game.  But, most importantly, Kobe’s got the bling times four.  The bling times four puts Kobe in rare air.  If he gets one more in a few weeks, he’s one away from the Legend of His Airness, and I tell you what…we’ll be having a totally different discussion then, one that Lebron wouldn’t even be allowed to eavesdrop on rather be apart of.

Kobe Bryant is a friggin winner.  The guy may have cheated on his wife, he may have raped a maid, he may be gay, he may be the most arrogant son of a jackal in the game, but dude is a stone cold killer on the court.

This guy is a winner.

Did you see that glance he gave Gasol last night on the bench?  He gave Gasol the look that said, its the fourth quarter and it’s time to win.  And Kobe’s team responded as they do time and time again.  They are great, and will be in the finals for the third straight year.

Now, look guys.  Lebron, thats my boy.  We’re about the same age, graduated HS at the same time and I been watchin his games since ESPN started airing them when he was 8.  The guy was and is still a prodigy.  No one in the world is as gifted physically and athletically as Lebron James.  In a one on one match up with no money on the line, Lebron beats Kobe.  But put a lil somethin on the table and I’m telling you Kobe’s hunger, that drive, that killer inside of him will eat Lebron for dinner.  Thats what seperates the two.

Kobe is a superior shooter and arguably the better leader.  But, Lebron makes up for all that with talent, his natural physical and athletic gifts.  What puts Kobe over the top and far into the lead regarding this discussion is Kobe’s mentality.  Lebron’s personality is like Lamar Odom’s.  He cares sometimes and other times he’d rather be doing something else.  Kobe’s personality is like the one and only, His Airness, the inimitable, thou who’s name need not be mentioned.

If you’re still alive I applaud you.  I’m sorry Lebron, but I am no longer a witness.  I’ve watched you for so long.  You teased me when you showed me the fire against Detroit in 2007, but that was three years ago.  Lebron, me and your are done.  Its over.  You can keep the kids, just lemme get the house, and the Maybach.

Who do you all think is better?

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The Doc Rok Special Edition; Whoopi or Beyonce?

So, one of my oldest friends in the world and avid blogger, the tremendously talented  (don’t believe me check him out at http://djdocrok.wordpress.com/) DJ Doc Rok dropped me a line today.

I got a topic of discussion for ya – Is discrimination the natural state of the human race? It would seem as long as you look back in human history, someone has always got the short end of the stick, whether the discrimination is based on race, social status, gender, orientation, etc.  Then there’s the more insidious studies that show that “good looking” people are more likely to get raises, be successful, and (just this morning I heard on the radio) more likely to be acquitted at trial. This sort of discrimination isn’t “institutionalized” in the way that Jim Crow, or anti-gay marriage laws, or Arizona state laws are, but at the same time its institutionalized through society, making it perhaps more pervasive and less likely to be subject to change.
What do you think?

Well Doc, lets first look at it through a scientific lens first.  Darwin would say of course, discrimination is the natural state of man, if it weren’t we’d still be apes.  Got it.  Scientifically it makes sense because  in order to survive and evolve we must discriminate against the weak.  In a modern context it turns ugly, literally.

Now lets say for instance, in your office downtown Doc.  You are looking for a receptionist.  Pretty standard need for an office.  You hire the pretty girl because it’s better business, is it not?  You have two evenly matched candidates, one’s Whoopi and ones Beyonce…to the left, to the left you go Whoopi.  Of course that’s discrimination, and it’s illegal if you can prove it.  But is it wrong?

If the better looking receptionist causes your clients to want to sign with you just because they’d rather look at her everyday than look at Whoopi down the street.  Its better business. As a business man are you wrong for making a better business decision?  Well, yes and no.  Your discriminating yes, but like the Neanderthals your doing whats best for you, your business, and your family. I can’t blame you, I’d do the same thing, except I’d hire her so I can look at her.

Somehow it always comes back to capitalism, which in my opinion is also a natural state of man.  Thats going to draw some strange looks from people I know.  But, if you can get past this overly idealistic thinking that before Europeans ruled the world, we all broke bread in a circle, got along and sang hymns, you’ll see what I’m getting at.  Man has always been about feeding him and his.  Man is a beast-like, warmongering animal.  Capitalism is the perfect fit for such a species.  You think cavemen got along with their neighbors, who competed for the same four wooly mammoths that happened to walk by one day a year when sun was highest in the sky.  I doubt it.  And when the mammoth was slaughtered, they bartered the meat and wool.   We havn’t evolved much from those days now that I think of it.

Capitalism forces us to be discriminatory.  It is highly pervasive throughout our society and vastly different from institutional racism which can also be tied to capitalism in another 10,000 words that I’m not writing.  I’m no socialist, but Stevie Wonder can see the flaws within our current system.  To be brutally honest, I can’t blame a guy for discriminitory business practices, as long as the goal is to make money, not hate.  Discrimination is what evolved our species.  However, for a pretty chick to get acquitted in court over an ugly one is just wrong.  Now that just makes me mad.

So in the end, discrimination isn’t necessarily a bad thing to have innate to our species.  The question more or less is, is the discrimination hate based, or business/evolution based?  Does it matter?  I dunno, I’m just a guy still waiting on my little chunk of the Nobel Peace prize.

Thanks for the topic Doc.  I love it, appreciate it, and encourage more of the same…from all three of my readers.

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Approach Cautiously…Protein, Race, and Rules
May 18, 2010, 11:39 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So I’m in the gym the other day, doing the usual routine. A little cardio, a little chest, some curls for the girls, you know the fun stuff. And this guy walks up to me and he goes “wow you’re jacked, what are you taking?”   Now guys, girls, little green alien people, I, my friends am jacked like the Easter Bunny is scary…only to little kids and only one day a year.

So I tell the guy, I’m like really big on protein and stuff, like the guy on the plane in Get Smart. One of my favorite movie scenes ever BTW.


No really, I tell the guy that I’m not on anything and that I just work out every so often to stay in shape. The first thing this guy says to me is “oh its because your black.” At this point I’m floored. So I stammer out something like, “are you implying that my muscles are a result of my African-American heritage, and not the gym?  He goes, “well yea, thats what I’m saying. Black people are more naturally swole than white people. You guys are born with six packs and pecs.”

I’m pretty sure this kid is not Black.

So I walk away from this conversation a little bit introspective.  Of course, some people are born with the natural tendency to put on muscle instead of fat.  Some people are tall, some have high metabolism, and yes even some are born diesel.

But is it a race thing?  Even athletically speaking.  No white person has ever broken the 10 second mark in the 100 meter sprint.  What happened to all the white cornerbacks in the NFL?  Are white-Americans still allowed in the NBA?  JJ Redick is representing.

I almost couldn’t even argue with the guy.  The more I look around from pro sports, to my local gym, people of African descent have better physics and are more athletic.  Is that racist?

But boy does it change when you say, well when I look around at debate teams, politicians, professors, coaches, CEO’s, the nations wealthiest people lists…the faces are overwhelmingly white.  Does that mean that white people are smarter?  Is that genetic like athleticism?  Is it racist to say that Blacks are better athletes?  Is it racist to say that white people are better at everything else?

Everyone tells me I need to bury the hatchet on this whole race thing.  They tell me I’m too divisive. But when a white guy comes up to me and tells me that the reason I have an athletic build without extreme effort is because I’m Black, well I get down right offended.  So how can I bury the hatchet when I’m still fighting the same stereotypes that my people have been fighting since the very first Afro-Euro encounters.

To my white readers…scratch that.  To all my readers.  Follow the rules below and race relations in America will improve because of you.

1.  The Golden Rule of Race:  Think before you friggin talk.  Your mom has been telling you that since you were born.  If it sounds racist it probably is.

2.  Racist jokes are not funny, they’re racist.  Thats why they are called racist jokes.

3. If you’re in a group of three or more and one of the persons is the racial minority, do not take every opportunity you can to point it out.  For example: Two white guys and Black dude are hungry.  Don’t ask the Black guy if he wants to go to Popeyes.

4. Ask questions.  Seriously, it’s better than getting your head smashed in.  If you grew up in rural Kansas and you don’t know Michael Jackson from 50 cent, you might want to ask somebody.  Perfect example:  My man Jim when I was in Iraq asked me, why do you put the stocking on your head at night? Is it a fashion thing?  So I broke it down for him.  I explained the texture of Black hair.  I explained the complexities and intricacies of obtaining, grooming, and maintaining 360 waves.  Jim did it the right way and so should you.

5. Finally, use common sense people.  It really is just that simple.

I’m trying my darndest to improve race relations in America.  If Obama can get a Noble Prize, I should at least get like a ribbon or somethin, a little certificate of appreciation.  Baby steps people, baby steps.

Please, somebody tell me what you think.

…check please…

Swagger Wagon
May 18, 2010, 2:13 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle | Tags: , , , , , ,

This is hilarious…errr i meant racist…yea racist


Because its my duty to turn the nice unruly, I’m gonna say thats its an offensive, outrageous, overembellishment of Black culture’s obsession with materialism. This goes right along with McDonald’s, Burger King, Eastern Motors, the old Census commericials, and all the other rapping ads that think the only way you can get the Black community to listen is if you make it rhyme. Do you want me to dance a jig for you too massa. Ridiculous.


You got to give it to Toyota for this one. This one’s wild. And effective its got nearly 2 million views on youtube. And yours truly is promoting it even further. I love America.

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