Diary of a misEducated Black Man


Texico loves Futbol, Martin Tyler, and DUI’s before noon…oh and the Celts will win tonight

I’ve been told that I’ve been treating my blog like a baby locked in a car for three hours in triple digit heat while mama goes to get her hair did.  So with that in mind, I’m here to roll the windows down just a bit for my poor blog.  Not funny I know, because people actually DO leave their kids in the car all the time.  Like here during a domestic dispute, and here while the parents smoked meth, and here while the babysitter got a facial, and here while the parents hit up the casino, and even here while mom got her drank on at a local watering hole.

But!  This is not a PSA, calling for better parenting, but, then again maybe it should be.  As usual it is a random rant of ridiculous Rabelaisian rubbish, radicated in rooster recrement.  Not sure that makes sense, but alliteration is fun.  On to the goods…amazing week in sports!

The World Cup has finally begun. Can somebody please inform the American populace.  No seriously, somebody let them know.  The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers AKA Comrade Obama needs to implement federal legislation, mandating that people tune into at least one game. You have to think, our bredren from the land of fish and chips, have found futbol to be so great that, as that stupid Hyundai commercial keeps reminding me, people name their children after entire national teams!

So, the goods so far.  Very few goals.  A huge gaffe by England keeper Robert Greene. Four goals by Germany.  Argentina looks potentially very scary.  Group G looks absolutely disgustingly difficult, with Brazil barely eeking out a win versus lowly N. Korea.  With the Ronaldo led Portuguese team and an Ivory Coast team thats dangerous as anybody in the tourney, this years Cup is shaping up to be legendary.

How bout that German team?  Jeez, a bunch of young bucks and two wiley vets have been the scariest team in the tournament.  They created opportunity after opportunity against the Socceroos.  I was highly impressed with them and speechless in regards to the Aussies poor performance.  My hat goes off to Miroslav Klose, who always seems to show up when wearing that Deutschland uniform.  Where was he during the club season?  I bet Bayern Munich fans are thinking the same thing.

Miroslav Klose Germany

But what about the damn ball?  If Mike Tirico brings up that gosh darn ball one mo gin…  Look, they complain about the ball every year.  It sucks, got it.  Now play.  Gotta say though, there was not a better moment than seeing the Red Coat Rob Greene crawling trying to keep that Clint Dempsey effort out of goal.  Awesome stuff.

This is a very low scoring tournament which I know is really turning off the casual fan, which is a nightmare for ESPN.  Too bad that the only casual fans live in the US.  Everyone else in the world is going bananas.  Trust I know.  I live in El Paso, Texico.  The bars opened up at 6am.  People were getting DUIs before noon.  I drove past the border and saw ten guys in the back of a pickup waving AKs and Mexican flags.  Its beyond bananas.

I’m in heaven.  Its like that dream I had when Hershey Park was actually made of Hershey’s.  I was very disappointed when I actually went there.  Heartbroken even.  So, I’ve decided that since I’d literally have to smack a Colonel in his face to get fired from the Army, that I’d just not go to work for a while and watch the Cup.  I mean hey, I’m a friggin Veteran, I deserve to watch the darn Cup.  BTW, if you ever wondered what warfighters do when they’re not at war, NOTHING!  So I’m watching the doggone World Cup!

Biggest observation of the WC thus far, is sadly these ridiculous vuvuzela things.  Ugh, I have never been more annoyed with any sound in the world.  Sorry Dumb and Dumber, move over.  Jeez its like living in hornets nest.  I have to mute the darn TV, which really bothers me because half the fun of watching soccer is Martin Tyler’s amazing commentating.  He has a way of saying really mean things that come across like compliments.  Must be the accent.

So now that I’ve lost my entire American readership, lets talk about a ball you all know all to well.  The Celtics are going to win tonight and thats that.  I’m out.  Want some analysis, go watch the worldwide leader!

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Kevin GarNOTT…shout out to Skip Bayless

So yesterday, as I’m sitting and watching the game as the majority of sports fans were, I noticed that there was something different about the Celtics.  Something was missing.  Almost as if a 7 Ft, shot blocking, dark skinned defensive menace named Kevin Garnett was not on the court.  It looked as if the Celtics decided to make it fair for the Lakers and play four on five.  The once proud and intimidating KG  has turned into the invisible man.  As Ray rained threes in the first half and Rondo carried the team in the second, KG was a nonfactor.

This guy used to be my favorite player in the league.  He could handle the rock like a guard, shoot the three on occasion, and play lights out D.  KG was the man.

Pure and simple, he was special.  Now as I sit and watch him, I can’t even say I see a shell of his oldself.  Its more like the exoskeleton of a Cicada, laying motionless, lifeless, and ready to be carried away by the wind.  As I’m watching the game last night, I’m hoping for KG to foul out, just so I don’t have to watch the guy anymore.  Its hard to look at.  The guy refuses to dribble.  He refuses to make a move.  He refuses to dunk.  He refuses to score.  He shoots this loose booty 18 footer everytime he gets the rock.  The dude’s 7ft tall.  Dunk the darn ball.

Don’t get me wrong KG still has the fire, but he doesn’t have the game anymore.  He’s 34 now and it shows, every game, it shows.  From the 98-99 season til the 06-07 season, Garnett was a 20-10 ball player.  His numbers dipped  a bit his first year in Boston, expectedly so, as he was no longer THE guy.  They only dipped to 18 and 9 though.  Not terrible by a long shot.  However, last season they dipped to 15 and 8.  This season 14 and 7. During this years finals, how about 11 and 4!!

This is a guy who only recently fell below 20 ppg for his career.  This is a guy who in my opinion was the best player in the league for the early part of this century.  He’s now an 11 and 4 guy.  I’m sorry KG, but its over.  If you’re hurt please say so.  Because this is just embarrasing.  I can’t watch you anymore.  I’d rather see Sheed or Big Baby down the strecth.  You and Sheldon Williams alternate between who’s the worst big man in the series.  KG mind as well be playing for the Lakers.

KG isn’t even one of the top 15 players in the series anymore.  I’ve got him behind, Nate Robinson, Shannon Brown, Sheed, Big Baby, and Ron Artest.  KG is no longer an elite player, I get that.  But he’s not even a good player anymore.  And the numbers prove it.

Doc, don’t bench KG because he’s your emotional leader, got it.  But, please Doc, limit the guys minutes to under 20 a game.  Big Baby and Sheed are both giving you better minutes.  And for Lord’s sake, don’t play Rondo the whole 24 in the first half when you’ve got Nate on the bench.  Jeez, put the stud in the game and give Rondo a breather.  Doc’s lucky Rondo is such a physical freak and didn’t tire to bad down the stretch.

Personally, I still do not see the Celtics winning this thing.  The main reason is Kobe Bean Bryant.  Check it out.  Kobe had a rough game, couple poor foul calls, and he played without his normal aggression.  The Lakers bigs absolutely dominated the Celtics bigs.  Ray Allen will not drop more than 5 threes in anyother game this series, they shut that mess down second half.  Boston plays a man down anytime KG’s on the court.  Ron Artest has absolutely neutralized Paul Pierce.  Make that two men down.  Rondo’s not gonna hit open jumpers every night.  The Lakers are just better in everyway.  They’ve got the best player in the game and that doesn’t bode well for the Celtics.  Paul Pierce might be right, the series might not come back to LA, because the Lakers may win three straight in Boston.  It is called Bean Town right.  As in Kobe Bean Bryant.



Gary Coleman Dead, Lakers Win, and Strippers

The Lakers finally put the pesky Suns away last night.  Gary Coleman passed away today.  Oh and did anybody hear, there is a pretty big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  More big stories…

…Gotta start with Gary Coleman.  Talk about a guy who got the short end of the straw, no pun intended.  Dead at 42, its a sad day for fans of the child actor.  It seems he was never really able to get on top of things after Diff’rent Strokes.  So, one last time I’mma ask, “What’choo talkin’ bout Willis?”  May he RIP…

..In better news, the Lakers put away the Suns last night.  Gotta be honest I didn’t watch the game, I was uh, lets say preoccupied.  Me and one of my buddies were looking for a little trouble to get into last night, so naturally I called up one of my privates to get a little guidance.  If you want to get in trouble, call a private.  They ought to have a national get in trouble hotline.  He recommended a gentleman’s club called Dreams and I gotta hand it to the kid, I was not disappointed.  El Paso has talent.  Its official…

…Speaking of strip clubs my buddy Palmeiri’s got a great theory on the type of people that frequent them.

You’ve got three types of people that go to strip clubs.  You’ve got the party guy.  The party guy goes to the strip club with a curly blonde wig, a fake gold chain, and he looks like a character out of Grand Theft Auto.  He’s just there to have fun with his other wild buddies. The girls are secondary to him.

You’ve got the regular beer drinking Joe.  This guy goes to the strip club to get drunk with girls that are paid to love him.  He likes the occasional lap dance.  He tips well.  He loves BYOB strip clubs and is usually seen sharing a 30 pack with a few buddies.  Its a great thing.  Most of you all probably fit into this category.

And lastly, you’ve got the creep.  This dude is easily identifiable because he’s alone, he doesn’t tip, and he’d rather look without touching.  He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smile, and he looks as if he’s taking mental notes on the girls behavioral patterns the whole times he’s there.  Might want to avoid this guy.

…in other news, I refuse to get involved in this Oil disaster nonsense.  This story is huge and the blame game is out of control.  Yesterday the heads started to roll, with the firing of Elizabeth Birnbaum, the head of the Mineral Management Service, the office of the Interior Department responsible for overseeing oil and gas development.  Someone has gotta go, that’s the name of the game…

…isn’t it crazy how words become a part of our vocabulary so quickly because of the media.  Remember the hanging chad.  Now the word is Top Kill.  This process of sealing the oil well leak is now a part of our everyday vernacular.  I find this phenomenon fascinating….

…last but not least, Alicia Keys is pregnant with Swizz Beats baby. Apparently they’re engaged as well. Swizz Beats is one skinny mofo. I’m interested to see how Alicia handles being a stepmom to Swizzy’s other children. Also how does she deal with Swizzy’s ex?

All in all, its a sad day for brothers everywhere, we’re gonna miss you Alicia. I guess it’s time to get over that 9th grade fantasy huh…

So, todays an off day for me.   The best part about the Army is the four day weekend  every month.  And the month of leave every year.   And the half day schedule for most of the month of December.  So, since I’m off, I’m gonna crack open this brew, sit and stew, and politic a bit til the weekends through.   Lata.

…check please…



Queensbridge in the building
May 28, 2010, 3:52 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I friggin love Ron Artest. He is the weirdest friggin guy. He’s so volatile, so eccentric, so unpredictable that he just makes for awesome TV. I love the guy. Here’s another great Artest moment from last night. Fast forward to the 1:10 mark.

This guy is awesome. You see how uncomfortable Sager was? Great stuff.

Anyway, congratulations to the Lakers, great game and even better ending. Great hustle play by Ron.

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A United City defeats a Nation

Because every so often it’s nice not to have to do all the work, I’ve invited my best bud and soccer enthusiast, Ace, to guest blog for us today.

A United City defeats a Nation

by Avon Jackson

Yester-evening, DC’s most decorated sports team, DC United, took on Brazilian heavy-hitter Ronaldinho and the rest of his Italian club team AC Milan. It was a 90 minute thrill ride at RFK stadium in our nation’s capitol and I had the pleasure of witnessing it first hand.

To start, for those who don’t know, soccer is the only sport in the world that features international friendly matches at the professional club team level. This is an anomaly that benefits avid fans, such as myself, because it allows regular folks to witness the talents of international stars, such as Ronaldinho, LIVE and in person! My anticipation for this event was only amplified when I learned a few weeks ago that the former 2xFIFA player of the year was released by the Brazilian national team as they prepared for the upcoming World Cup (Jun 11th – July 11th a must watch event for any sports fan) therefore solidifying his attendance at the match in RFK.

Straight out of the gate United started attacking the Milan backline like a team possessed. Spending the bulk of the first half on the defensive, it was hard for Milan to get a shot and even harder for Ronaldinho to please the masses.  There were countless fans who wore his jersey and cheered every time he even touched the ball. The star power of this man is amazing in a way I have never seen before. With the most basic plays he ignited cheers and applause in a crowd dominated by DC United fans.  It was equivalent to the sound of proud mothers at their children’s graduation.

Sidebar, this type of respect is not found in other sports American or Worldwide. Only in soccer is it common for a player of a different race, nationality and playing for the opponent to be glorified in a foreign arena out of total respect for his play on the field. I still remember the days of Magic and Bird when neither player could step foot into their opponent’s floor without hearing boos and racial slurs despite their total dominance of the sport.

Back to the action, United wasted little time as our own Brazilian sensation, Luciano Emilio, found the back of the net off a headed shot attempt by Chris Pontius. Coming off a set kick, Pontius headed a shot that was blocked by Milan’s keeper only to land at the feet of a streaking Emilio who finished the job.

With this goal, United took a surprising lead in the 20th minute of play and RFK roared with excitement, accented by the normal sight of flying beer cups and colored smoke cans thrown by the United faithful. Even I threw my $9 beer in celebration, a feat I was quick to regret as I was then forced to purchase another.

As if this weren’t enough excitement, United played to the crowds pleasure with another goal coming 10 minutes later on a header by Pontius that was established by a brilliantly placed corner kick by Santino Quaranta.  Pontius touched the ball off the back of a defender and accomplished what he had meant to do with his first shot. This goal was a thing of beauty, as the header was so crisp and so quick that it left the Milan keeper motionless like a dancer in cement shoes.

At this point in the match, RFK was no longer a sporting arena but one big party. With random strangers slapping fives and grown men singing.  All that was missing was Jimi Hendrix and this could have been mistaken for Woodstock in ’69.  The stadium remained this way for the rest of the first half despite the extremely rough defending of Pontius, eventually resulting in a yellow card on Milan defender Ignazaio Abate and a strong shot attempt by Ronaldinho, that was deflected by a United defender.

Following the games intermission United made it a point to involve the entire team in the game. They made numerous subs and eventually ended up having to play a man down due to injury and lack of players.

The most electric play of the game came early in the second half on a missed shot attempt. Ronaldinho received a pass in the United goalie box and after volleying the ball in the air to himself, he unleashed a ferocious bicycle kick shot attempt that blew past all United defenders to include goalie Troy Perkins. Had the ball not hit the right post it would have made for a mesmerizing goal.

The matches next goal was scored by United in an all hustle effort. A feeble pass from the Milan backline to the goalie was pressured by United forward Danny Allsopp, who blocked the clearance kick which sent the ball rolling ever so S…L…O…W…L…Y into the net. United now lead the match 3-0,  a feat which no one not on the DC roster would have predicted. Not to be out done Milan picked up their efforts from this point on. Their first goal came on a questionable hand-ball call on a United defender in the penalty box. Milan’s Massimo Oddo stepped up to the plate and knocked down the easy penalty shot. Oddo struck again about 10 minutes later with a driven shot from about 30 meters out that cut through the defense like a hot knife through butter. The crowd, myself included, began to get uneasy as it appeared the Italian squad had come to life and was out for vengeance. Despite one more nerve wrecking shot from Oddo, the United backline managed to stay strong and close out the game securing the win.

All in all it was a world class experience that the MLS helped bring to my front door. The great Ronaldinho ended the match by throwing his jersey into the stands to some lucky fan who more than likely was cheering for United and donning the black and red. Players from both teams signed autographs and mingled with the fans exemplifying true sportsmanship as well as humanity. In my mind it was an introduction to soccer’s biggest event which starts next month, and carries the slogan “for one month, we are all spectators.”

Great stuff Ace, we appreciate it.

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Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs

Allow me to be the first to remove the foot from my mouth and pick my face off of the ground.  If my life depended on my NBA Playoff prognosticating ability, I would be one dead son of a gun.  Lots of big stories…

…The Magic, ohhh the Magic.  I really hope they aren’t teasing us.  I may have a new favorite player in Jameer Nelson.  That kid is a true fighter.  he just looks like a guy who’s come out on the right side of a few scraps in his life time.  With him as the leader of that soft Magic bunch, he may be just tough enough to get them another victory.  I don’t know about the Finals though.  Jameer is like that chocolate syrup that hardens when you pour it on ice cream.  He’s tough enough to carry his guys now but sooner or later someone’s gonna stick a spoon through him….

…The Suns, ohhh the Suns.  The emergence of the Suns frontcourt as a dominant force bodes extremely well for a team looking to make it to their first NBA Finals since 1993.  I like this series a lot.  Its Kobe and his disgust for the Lakers defensive effort, against what seems to be a ragtag bunch of speedy gunslingers with wildly different personalities.  Its a good dramatic series.  I still see the Lakers pulling it out because when it gets down to it, always bet with the superstar, especially if his name is Bean Bryant….

…Wade announces that he will discuss his future home with Joe Johnson and Lebron James before deciding what team to sign with.  This is a very good thing for the NBA.  Can anyone say 2010 Dream Team…

…Two thoughts from last nights Magic game.  The first, did you see that friggin knockout elbow from Dwight Howard???  At first it didn’t even look like he came down on Baby Davis that hard.  But once I saw Davis wobbling, falling into Joey Crawford’s arms, disoriented and unable to stand, I realized that this dude is in La La land.  Could you imagine if that Dwight cocked back and punched someone on purpose.  Jeez, it be lights out for the year.  You could wake me up in 2030 when the Orioles when the pennant….

…Second, whenever anybody(David Stern) says to me that the NBA is a clean league, as is not corrupted by gambling cheats, I point to instances like yesterday.  Kendrick Perkins gets booted out of the game, for no reason.  He did the right thing in everyway and still gets tossed.  Someone’s got money on that game.  Tossing Perkins out totally changes the make up of the Celtics.  Perkins is a guy that doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, he just works and plays defense, better and harder than any of the Celtics big men.  I smell something fishy.  Did Tim Donaghy make an appearance last night?…stay tuned to that one….

…Enough basketball.  Did anyone see Venus’s ASS all over the screen at the French Open.  This one’s great.  Not sure where I stand on it exactly.  I love booty, but its a little classless to have it hanging out a sporting event.

Apparently its the cool thing to do now for athletes to show off there junk on the internet.  Most recently Tampa Bay Rays baller Evan Longoria.  A few months backs Spurs guard George Hill.  Before that Dorrell Wright, Greg Oden, and even Grady Sizemore. Grady Sizemore is an awesome porno name if Grady wants a second career. Thats insane.  Holy crap guys, the only people who know who you are, are men, and we have junk of our own.  Stop posting pictures of your junk on the internet.  Atleast make a sex tape and get paid for it….

..Boobs…

…This post took a turn for the worse.  We got Venus booty, NBA penis, and Tennis boobs.  Awesome work on my behalf.  I do it for you guys.  Gotta go to work.

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Magic win in Boston, for real??

Now that was unexpected.  The Magic showed some friggin heart.  Well, atleast one player on there team did.  My buddy Bill Simmons wrote an article a little while ago about urgency.

“The third is faux urgency — when a team’s players don’t trust each other or their coach and don’t have the right leadership in place, but they’re desperately pressing to make a bad situation work anyway.  That’s the worst kind of urgency.  By the way, I have no idea whether Orlando has real urgency or faux urgency. I’m leaning toward the latter. Stay tuned.”

Bill wrote this over a week ago, with the Magic in the midst of a eight game playoff win streak mind you, but, Bill I stayed tune.  Although the Magic won last night on the Celtics home floor, I still don’t see the real urgency in the eyes of the players on that team.  Last night Jeff Van Gundy noted that Danny Ferry had assembled a team full of winners for the Celtics.  As you look at the Celtics player by player, you could make an outstanding argument that each player on that team wants to win more than the other one.

With the Magic its easy, Jameer Nelson.  He’s the only one with that Philly scrap in him.

Rashard Lewis, soft.  Dwight Howard, not soft, but apathetic.  J.J. Reddick, might be the second toughest guy on the team which is a shame because he’s a jumpshooting two guard.  Matt Barnes, he’s got a little scrap, but lacks the ability to make a difference.  Vince Carter, I’m so disgusted with my former idol I won’t even talk about him.  Who else?  We can go down the roster.

They’re all soft or apathetic.  They don’t have real urgency.

Now I know you’re thinking, did I even watch the game last night?  They won right?  They won because Paul Pierce missed two good looks from three end, the Celts got tired, and a desperation heave by Baby Davis was the cherry on top.  But that was a team out there that wanted to win.

Jameer Nelson absolutely willed his team to victory.  He slashed to the basket, he hit big shots down the stretch, and he energized his team.  He was the only Magic with real urgency last night.  Even when Dwight’s scoring 30 plus and bringing down 15 plus boards he just doesn’t look into it to me.  Even his post game interview lacks passion and authority.

They need to sprinkle a little Kobe fire powder on the Magic if they even want to consider winning this thing.

With that said, this series is over next game.  The Celtics are just to passionate about winning.

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