Diary of a misEducated Black Man


Texico loves Futbol, Martin Tyler, and DUI’s before noon…oh and the Celts will win tonight

I’ve been told that I’ve been treating my blog like a baby locked in a car for three hours in triple digit heat while mama goes to get her hair did.  So with that in mind, I’m here to roll the windows down just a bit for my poor blog.  Not funny I know, because people actually DO leave their kids in the car all the time.  Like here during a domestic dispute, and here while the parents smoked meth, and here while the babysitter got a facial, and here while the parents hit up the casino, and even here while mom got her drank on at a local watering hole.

But!  This is not a PSA, calling for better parenting, but, then again maybe it should be.  As usual it is a random rant of ridiculous Rabelaisian rubbish, radicated in rooster recrement.  Not sure that makes sense, but alliteration is fun.  On to the goods…amazing week in sports!

The World Cup has finally begun. Can somebody please inform the American populace.  No seriously, somebody let them know.  The Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers AKA Comrade Obama needs to implement federal legislation, mandating that people tune into at least one game. You have to think, our bredren from the land of fish and chips, have found futbol to be so great that, as that stupid Hyundai commercial keeps reminding me, people name their children after entire national teams!

So, the goods so far.  Very few goals.  A huge gaffe by England keeper Robert Greene. Four goals by Germany.  Argentina looks potentially very scary.  Group G looks absolutely disgustingly difficult, with Brazil barely eeking out a win versus lowly N. Korea.  With the Ronaldo led Portuguese team and an Ivory Coast team thats dangerous as anybody in the tourney, this years Cup is shaping up to be legendary.

How bout that German team?  Jeez, a bunch of young bucks and two wiley vets have been the scariest team in the tournament.  They created opportunity after opportunity against the Socceroos.  I was highly impressed with them and speechless in regards to the Aussies poor performance.  My hat goes off to Miroslav Klose, who always seems to show up when wearing that Deutschland uniform.  Where was he during the club season?  I bet Bayern Munich fans are thinking the same thing.

Miroslav Klose Germany

But what about the damn ball?  If Mike Tirico brings up that gosh darn ball one mo gin…  Look, they complain about the ball every year.  It sucks, got it.  Now play.  Gotta say though, there was not a better moment than seeing the Red Coat Rob Greene crawling trying to keep that Clint Dempsey effort out of goal.  Awesome stuff.

This is a very low scoring tournament which I know is really turning off the casual fan, which is a nightmare for ESPN.  Too bad that the only casual fans live in the US.  Everyone else in the world is going bananas.  Trust I know.  I live in El Paso, Texico.  The bars opened up at 6am.  People were getting DUIs before noon.  I drove past the border and saw ten guys in the back of a pickup waving AKs and Mexican flags.  Its beyond bananas.

I’m in heaven.  Its like that dream I had when Hershey Park was actually made of Hershey’s.  I was very disappointed when I actually went there.  Heartbroken even.  So, I’ve decided that since I’d literally have to smack a Colonel in his face to get fired from the Army, that I’d just not go to work for a while and watch the Cup.  I mean hey, I’m a friggin Veteran, I deserve to watch the darn Cup.  BTW, if you ever wondered what warfighters do when they’re not at war, NOTHING!  So I’m watching the doggone World Cup!

Biggest observation of the WC thus far, is sadly these ridiculous vuvuzela things.  Ugh, I have never been more annoyed with any sound in the world.  Sorry Dumb and Dumber, move over.  Jeez its like living in hornets nest.  I have to mute the darn TV, which really bothers me because half the fun of watching soccer is Martin Tyler’s amazing commentating.  He has a way of saying really mean things that come across like compliments.  Must be the accent.

So now that I’ve lost my entire American readership, lets talk about a ball you all know all to well.  The Celtics are going to win tonight and thats that.  I’m out.  Want some analysis, go watch the worldwide leader!

…check please…

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1 Comment so far
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I don’t think the low scoring is as much a turnoff for the casual soccer fan as the constant drone of the horns… the vulvaazaleas, or whatever. Nothing all ties I can deal with. Nothing all ties with an ever-present solitary note? Not as apt to watch.

We’re just a couple hours outside of Hershey, and though the park isn’t made entirely of chocolate, they have this ride with animatronic cows singing about chocolate bar production. At the concliusion of the trip through the seedy cocoa underbelly, all passengers in the little car or boat or whatever are given a couple pieces of Hershey’s Bliss candy. I went on that ride about 15 times on my last trip.

And, the article with the babysitter getting the facial has been removed from the Miami Herald site. Which is just as well, because I’d have been expecting a totally different article…

Comment by Jeremy from We Took The Bait




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