Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: Airborne, army, ass, cerasport, football, Lebron, ranger, Rap, School, Tiger Woods
So Jump School is not nearly as exciting as it seems. In fact much like most Army schools that sound cool, the Army has the innate ability to make them suck. Throw in a heaping scoop of that Southern Georgia heat and humidity and this is downright torturous. Lots of standing around and waiting. Lots of harnesses digging into my crotch. Lots of rearranging “downstairs”. Gallons of sweat. Lots of disgusting CeraSport.
This crap is taste like chalk, mixed with rice flour, mixed with, sand from Iraq. Smells great though. You mix a packet into your canteen and its supposed to hydrate you, if it doesn’t kill you first.
I do have some bad news to report. I have never failed in my life as much as I have in the Army. When it comes to PT, I’m in shape so I excel. I’m mentally pretty sharp, so I do good in Army academic style training, but every once in a while something comes my way that I just can’t conquer.
At Airborne school, its called the Swing Landing Trainer. This 12ft nutcrusher is hell. Literally, the Devil came down to Georgia and perched atop this apparatus.
They are about to push that poor soul off that tower and I’m sure you can imagine what happens next. The idea seems simple, you fall off, you swing, you land gracefully. However, when you’re 6’2 and dense as the earths core, you just kinda fall like a sack of bricks. Not pretty.
So I failed this thing, the first time.
But, a day later I conquered my nemisis. However, I was a day late and a dollar short, and my reward was a whole extra week of Airborne training. YAY!! Not. Its hot as hell down here. Somebody pray for me.
Other than that life’s swell. I here Tiger Woods is sucking pretty bad these days. And… that is literally the extent of real world news that I have received the last two weeks. So yea. Can’t wait to get back to civilization. Somebody send me some emails and tell me whats going on in the world.
Oh, one last random thing. Came across this on the internet today. Normally I’m not a fan of bootleg rap videos, but something about this song made me listen a few times. Its just so damn catchy!
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race | Tags: Airborne, airplane, army, ass, dc, georgia, Sports
Today, I’m hopping on a plane to Ft. Benning, GA. Jump School starts Monday and I can’t wait. So, the blog will probably be on hold for about three weeks, but I’ll update it when I can. DC Sports fans I’m sorry. But I must leave you in the hands of the Washington Post and the Worldwide Leader. I hope they take care of you. If not I shall be back for vengeance.
Anyway, everybody take care, and do something great for somebody else.’
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: ass, demarcus cousins, draft, dwight howard, gilbert arenas, gun, john wall, kobe, Lebron, nba, nick young, nra, parade, soldier, strasbrg, Wizards
I’m from the Nations Capital. The epicenter of our nations government. One of the most powerful cities in the world. Capital of the free world. Home to one of the most legendary and most profitable sports franchises in the history of team sports, the Washington Redskins. To say I’m just a Redskins fan is like saying Amy Winehouse is just experimenting with drugs. I bleed the burgundy and gold.
I’m also a part-time Wizard’s fan. The reason I say part-time is because I’m like a part-time worker at a power plant. No benefits, no holidays, no salary, no perks, no 401K, no stock options. Basically, I just get 82 games a year of mediocrity. I go to a few games a season, sit in the nosebleeds, and throw popcorn at strangers. I’m part-time.
However, as a lifelong fan of DC Sports as a whole, I’ve got to say, I am dying for something to read. Every story I read, whether it be from the worldwide leader, dimemag, sbnation, huffingtonpost, washingtonpost, whatever it is, its all recycled garbage. For the last three months every story has been this; the Redskins get Donovan McNabb, they have three old running backs, they want one more, and Albert Haynesworths a dirtbag or; the Wizards get John Wall, he’s really good. Thats about the extent of the sports world in regards to my city. No love for the Caps. No love for DC United. Oh yeah, Stephen Strasburg is really really good. Can’t forget about Lebrasburg.
So I’m here to put my city on my back. We’re going to start off with the Wizards because I feel as though the Wizards are seriously getting overlooked for some reason. Yes the East is gonna be rough. The Fun Bunch in SoBe, the Three Wisemen and Baby Jesus in Bean Town, Dwight and the Dwarfs in Orlando, not to mention the Hawks, Bulls, and dare I say the Knicks…nah won’t go that far….yet. Its going to be a difficult season for the Wiz, but I don’t think there will be many teams as exciting as the Wizards will be to watch.
Also, consider what Chris Paul did for the Hornets. They’re saying based off summer league (I know, I know) that Wall looks like a mix of Rondo and CP, with better handle than Rondo and more size than Paul. The guys a dog. He made Javale McGee look like a 23 year old Shaq playing against toddlers. If Wall gives us a fraction of CP’s rookie production we’ll be set.
Lets take a more indepth look at this. Lets say Gil sticks around, as it look as though he will. Gil slides into his more natural two guard role. So now we have JDub at one and Gil playin combo at the two. Thats an undersized backcourt for sure, but an explosive one. Two ballhandlers and two offensive creators. And both can score their own shots at will.
At the three you start Nick Young. He’s good, not great. Solid perimeter defender, can hit the open look and a solid athlete. However, its the depth here thats amazing. You want to go small ball, you start Josh Howard at the three and go with the three guard look. You want to go big you start Al Thornton or even put Yi Jianlian at the three.
At the four you’ve got the emerging superstar Andray Blatche. Dray showed all the haters last year that he can do more than drink and party at Love the Club every night. I can honestly say, I’ve never been to Love and not seen him there. Never.
But thats besides the point, dude averaged 20 plus after taking over the offense last year. But, Dray’s comming off surgery. He’ll be rusty, probably out of shape knowing him, but by game 20 or so he’ll be good to go. Plus the Wiz got one of the biggest steals of the offseason in Yi, as insurance for Blatche. Yi’s not a dominant player, but the dude can friggin play the game of basketball. He’s averaged right about 10 and 6 his whole career in just 26 minutes of play. Plus he’s another legit seven footer on the roster. He’s going to surprise people.
The five is to me the most intriguing position on the court for the Wizards. We finally shed Brendon Haywood, who was softer than baby food.
Varejo is smiling at this putrid attempt at a punch from a seven foot man. Ugh!
We got rid of my man Etan Thomas, which I was a little torn about. Now we’ve got a bunch of young guys. Javale McGee can straight up hoop. I saw this dude in IKEA back in 08 after he was drafted and the guy is just huge. Plus, he put on some weight this offseason. The guys a better version of Tyson Chandler. Tall, lanky, can development into an outstanding defender, and he’s got loads of athleticism. The guy can jump out the roof. And he has surprisingly decent hands, which is often overlooked by scouts when judging a big man. He truly looked like a man amongst newborns during summer league. I was thoroughly impressed.
However, after him things get a little shaky. You’ve got Hilton Armstrong, who is a poor mans Brendan Haywood, which is not the poor man you want on your team. Hilton doesn’t rebound, block shots, score, or do just about anything well. But, he is seven foot. So, theres always a place for him on somebody’s team. The Wiz also have a very intriguing prospect out of Rutgers, Hamady Ndiaye. Ndiaye is another seven footer with athletic ability. Very raw at this point but could prove to be vital off the bench during the season.
John Wall aside, what excites me most about this years squad is the surprising depth of such a young team. They have talent, youth, and depth at every position on the court.
A few predictions for the season:
Kirk Hinrich will be the sixth man of the year.
Wiz win 45 games and make the playoffs. I would go even higher, but John Wall will hit a rookie wall, no pun intended.
Hilton Armstrong is out of the league by the end of the season.
Earl Boykins will win us three games.
Gil will be an All-Star again.
JDub wins ROY.
Oh yea, I’m still collectin money for the broke soldier foundation, lol.
…im out, like Elton John, no homo…
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: ass, college, fifa, footbal;, lionel, messi, ronaldhino, ronaldo, sex, soccer, worlducp
Guest post by the one and only Football connoisseur himself, Mr. Avon Jackson. Enjoy.
With the 2010 FIFA World Cup over, the soccer fan in me could not pass up this opportunity to speak my piece on American Futbol (ie. American Soccer). I would like to preface this article by congratulating our US Soccer Team on a tournament well played. The Yanks managed to win our group for the first time in 80 years, which is a monumental achievement, especially in a group with England, and when they had two controversial goals called back on separate occasions. Add to the mix their tendency to allow points in the first 15minutes of the match (3 out of 4) and winning the group becomes an amazing feat!!! My hat is off to you gentleman. Continuing to the purpose of this blog….
I was watching Roberto Martinez break down the US vs Ghana post game the other day and I had an epiphany; US Soccer’s main enemy is American Football. Fewer children play soccer in this country because they play football, a sport non-existent in other nations. Martinez cited an inadequacy in US International soccer as a lack of early recruitment in the lower-class, a level of society know to produce athletes.
Martinez believes in America soccer is a sport reserved for the middle and upperclass children and therefore they can’t be as devoted to bettering their game. I agree to a certain extent but add that more lower class American children would be interested in soccer, if they were not force-fed football. It makes sense children who enjoy one might enjoy the other because both games foundations are similar (running, cutting & tackling on a field).
It’s a fact that in this country football is the promoted outdoor sport of the lower class. If you dont agree with me ride through any American ghetto and see how many pop warner signs you see vs youth soccer ads. This limits the pool of soccer athletes without ever giving children a chance to choose, possibly eliminating all chances of a US born Lionel Messi.
Can we imagine for a second a Brazil with the NFL and a US without? Kaka and Ronaldinho could possibly be All-Pro at quarterback and receiver respectively, while Michael Vick and Chris Johnson would be quite appealing forwards. While this would unquestionably improve our National Soccer team, both of these players were born in the “god watches football – South” and while I could be wrong, I’m pretty sure they didn’t get a fair shot at trying both sports. Had they been given this opportunity however we might have witnessed a shift of power in International soccer worthy of 9.0 on the richter scale.
Now I’m not condemning American Football by any means, I played in college and I’m a diehard Redskins fan. What I am condemning is the American mindset that soccer is not an acceptable sport for the children of all social classes and all nations. Playing soccer is just as respectable and in many markets more profitable than American football. Not to mention that like basketball, it has a much longer field life expectancy for it’s professional and casual athletes, giving us American born “brilliance on the pitch” for years to come.
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: acrylic, art, ass, ass parade, bangbros, big, Black, butt, buttocks, cherokee, hottentot, jay z, jay z painting, jessica biel, lindsey lohan, neon, painting, politics, pornography, Sports
Because, I’m bored I have scoured the net for my two favorite things, ass and laughter. I present you with both on a shining silver platter. Bon Appetit!
Has anyone ever heard of the Hottentot Venus? As a connoisseur of ze bootay, I’d give these cheeks like a good 7 out of 10. They’ve got size, certainly girth, but no proportion. No shape. Not to mention more potholes than DC streets. A good 7 out of 10.
Next we have our entry into the odd category.
I’m not even sure what to say about this one. I’d be impressed if it were true. Lets assume its undoctored, you’d have to give the guy a 10 out of 10 for effort. I mean that would be impressive, prolly pretty hot and stanky too. Gross.
I love the guy on the rights expressions. He’s thinkin, all she needs is my meat in between those buns. Yeah that was a little gross I know. But, wow, what a apple bottom. That sucker looks like a tear drop from rolling down the cheek of God.
Lindsay Lohan, kinda small for my taste. But not bad shape. She’s got about a two finger smile. For those that aren’t familiar with the finger measuring of booty smile method, let me explain. You take your hand, fingers extended and joined, palms facing upward and you slide them toward the bottom crease of a females behind. On Lindsay here it would be that smiley face about 3 inches below her panty line. Now you place your fingers, extended and joined, right underneath that smiley face. Then you count the number of fingers that the booty covers. If it gets the whole hand, you’ve got yourself a fiver. Lindsay’s about a two.
Now a celeb with an ass. Fantastic behind here.
Her ass is so unbelievable that I’m done typing. Just admire it.
You’ve got the fiver, the double fiver, then you’ve got the I could go to sleep under your ass in the desert and not get sunburned.
Ok, fine. Its too big. There, I said it.
Tara Reid ass.
She’s only 34, and gorgeous from the front. But she needs to put some pants on.
Don’t light firecrackers in your bum.
Save it for the movies.
Whats an Ass post without this stuff.
I was born covered in it.
Cant have an ass post with Cherokee D’ Ass
WOW! I don’t even know where to begin. She’s got double fivers easily. Drooping slightly with age, but overall size, girth, shape, highness, its pretty top notch. Its pretty impressive that she’s able to carry that thing on her back everywhere she goes.
And because I’m not sure ass gets better than this…
…ok last one…
Now, this may have not been my most intellectual post. Maybe not even thought provocating, argument starting, intellectual inspiring, or anything along the lines. But for some reason, I think this will go down as a lot of folks favorite. This was fun. Thats what everybody needs in there life. An excuse to look at ass. For the record J.Lo has a beautiful behind, but Jessica Biel has the nicest ass ever created. Hands down. Shape, four to five finger smile (I’d love to get an accurate measurement), nice and high, tight enough, but not a rock, no lumps, mountains, dingleberry’s or divits, perfect. I just wanna crawl up inside it and take a nap. Ahh, i wish this was a real job.
Oh yea, I’m still collectin money for the broke soldier foundation, lol.
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: army, Black, debate, gay, obama, ortiz, politics, Race, Sports, steinbrenner
So, I just got back from this ridiculous professional development course the Army requires us to take called, Warrior Leaders Course. Its real hooah, hooah, focuses on marching around, singing cadences and by the book leadership. All the boring stuff.
As a result of this, I miss the World Cup, apparently Big Papi’s alive, George Steinbrenner’s dead, and bygolly they’re building a mosque at Ground Zero. Jeez. I’m going to Airborne school next Friday and I bet by time I get back, there will be a guy name Hussein in the White House. Aww I know, bad joke, predictable huh. Funny thing is, there are actually two Hussein’s there.
So today I’m back at the office, on the normal daily grind, consisting of ducking officers and high ranking sergeants so no one realizes that I don’t have a job. I tell you what, pretending to be busy is absolutely more exhausting than actually doing work. I’m up in down the stairs like hookers in and out of a Motel 6. Its the constant drag.
Myself and one of my buddies get into an argument, more of a gentlemans debate, regarding Obama’s Army and the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell crap.
Before today, I felt as though, hey the policy works, its not broke why mess with it? But then my buddy informs me of the fine print. He says, the issue that people are having is with the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell part.
Thats the banner issue that the tree huggers are clinging to. So fine, get rid of it. But that still doesn’t allow for openly gay, flamboyant behavior or gay sexual practices in the military. You still have to have military bearing. You still must adhere to military standards. There will be no public displays of affection whether gay or straight. You must talk clear and thunderously. You must have command presence. These things are universal and are in the doctrine. They do not discriminate based on race, gender, or sexual orientation.
All members of the service must abide by the standard, and its generally a straight male standard. And sodomy or homosexual sexual relations is still punishable by UCMJ. As in you will be kicked out of the army if, you have gay sex.
Wow, so what changes really? If they change the law, I can now ask you if you’re gay, so if I want to kick you out, I’ve just got to overhear you talking about sex. All it takes is one soldier to be offended by something a gay guy says or does and the gay dude’s gone.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, actually protected homosexuals because then, there was no proof. A gay guy could talk with his buddies about really slammin it home lastnight and waking the neighbors up and all that. We would simply assume he’s talking about a woman. No one would be offended. But now that he’s openly gay, it becomes not only illegal and possibly offensive, but punishable by court martial. Always a loop hole eh. The Army’s still the Good Ol’ Boys Club.
So in other news, I and some pals have started a foundation called the Broke Soldiers Foundation. Because the Army pays us so poorly, sometimes doesn’t pay us at all, is quick to take money out of our checks, but slow to put money in when they owe us, we’ve decided to take up a fund. 1 dollar goes a long way towards freedom. Plus, I need a beer to deal with this crap everyday. Thx.
Filed under: Lifestyle, Politics, Race, Sports | Tags: billiards, dad, dominoes, father, fathers day, fifa, football, gifts, gulf of mexico, Kobe Bryant, Koman Coulibaly, Landon Donavon, Michael Jordan, Oil Spill, pops, robbed, snubbed, soccer, Stephen Strasburg, Tiger Woods, Tim Howard, US Soccer, world cup
First off, Happy Father’s Day to all the Pops out there, young, old, and in between. Today is a celebration of manhood. The bond between a man and his seed. A day where we thank our Pops for taking us to the ballpark, teaching us how to mack the ladies, shoot pool, and play bones. At least thats what mines did.
I gotta hand it to my Pops though, out of all the things he did wrong, he did one thing all too right. When you have six babies by four different women the biggest challenge you face is juggling baby momma drama, finances, and being a father to all six of them. My Pops had his flaws, no doubt. There were large chunks of my childhood when I barely saw the guy. However, from birth, my Pops made sure my siblings and I all knew each other. We lived miles and miles apart, but on the weekends we’d all get together. We’d shoot ball, we’d bowl, we’d go to the movies, or we’d watch Pop sleep on the couch watching Sportscenter over and over again. No matter what though, we knew each other, and for being so far apart with different mothers, we all knew each other well.
That was important to my Pops, and of all the things he failed at, he succeeded at the most important thing. Because after he’s dead and gone, his legacy will be us. And we can all share in uplifting it together because of the one thing he did right by us. Nowadays we’re pretty much all grown. The last two are bringing up the rear at 17. And we are all tight, leaning toward success, and blessed to have each other. Thats the legacy of my Pops. And I thank him for that. Happy Father’s Day dad.
On to the next…
I’m done being sappy and back to being my regular pissed off, ranting and raving self. I want to smack the Black off of Malian referee Koman Coulibaly, for being a totally inept, incompetent, and hopefully infertile, pile of flung monkey dung, referee. This guy robbed us with no mask, no glock, and didn’t even have the courtesy to put gum on the cameras so the world couldn’t see the travesty. I’m pissed. I’m heated. I’m upset. But mostly, I’m motivated.
Because to me its all too obvious. The world is hating. If you look at the roster of the current US National Team, we’ve got seven players that play for clubs in the English Premier League, one that plays for AC Milan, two playing on top clubs in Germany, one on the Glasgow Rangers, one in the Spanish Premier Division, and six others playing ball at a high level outside of the US. In fact there are only three players on the national team currently playing in the MLS, widely considered the minor leagues of pro football. Landon Donovan is currently with the LA Galaxy of the MLS, but was most recently on loan to Everton of the EPL.
In 2006, there were 12 players that were based overseas and 11 from MLS clubs. Of the 12 based overseas, 8 of them had played in the MLS at one point in their careers. From 11 MLS players to 3. This trend indicates to me that US players are starting to get on par with the rest of the world. The quality US players are now able to compete in the top leagues in the world. Tim Howard is easily, top five goalkeepers in the world. He just happens to be American.
To me its obvious that the world is having difficulty accepting the US as a football power. Its a game thats not indigenous to us. We are not the inventors, only a small percentage of our population cares about the sport, and they used to be able to say that US players were all minor leaguers. But now, we’ve stuck out our chest and are right there with the big boys. And the world doesn’t like it. Koman Coulibaly doesn’t like it, and he let it be known. But you can’t keep a good Yank down.
..Just a few quick bits…
…I’m happy to see Tiger back. He looked amazing yesterday. Best back 9 of his career possibly. Amazing shot on 18. Right there in the thick of it…
…I was soooo wrong about the Celtics/Lakers. What irritates me most is now I have to hear the Kobe/MJ discussion. Nothing frustrates me more. He’s good, not MJ…legendary…
…theres a huge oile spill in the gulf, you heard about that? No really, google’s got a great feature to track it…
…I’m out like a batter facing Stephen Strasburg…